Hack My Heart
by EasternSunflower
Summary: "I wanted him to find me attractive. I might even let him dominate me. I needed to boost his confidence and get him to have an emotional attachment to me. I needed to fix the damaged parts, because as Bullet had said, Matt is broken." MattXMello.
1. Mello Doesn't Like To Lose

**Author's Note= Whooo, YAOI! I've been all excited with the upcoming convention and everything, and this idea came to me. It WOULD NOT leave me alone, I WAS going to suggest it to another author to write, but I'm like "Oh, wth, I might as well try." and here we are. ^.^ Ah, so here's my attempt at something MattXMello that's not a poem. =P I tried to swich things up and make it different.**

**A/N 9/22= I'm editing these chapters, I've noticed a lot of errors, and it's beginning to bother me, so I'm beginning the edit ^^**

**Mello's POV**

* * *

It always rains here. And at the same time, it never does. Everytime I turn around it's raining, but when I want it to rain, it's sunny.

I allow myself to release a sigh as I sit up and stretch, silently getting out of the queen sized bed in my small room. The room is black, with black walls, and a dirty beige carpet inluminated by weak artificial lights overhead. Dingy white ceiling, black furniture consisting of a wardrobe, a bed, a night stand, and a full length mirror.

I stand up, and examine myself in the mirror. I can see the whole room behind me. All of the small room in the base given to me by my boss. I then turn my gaze back and look into icy blue-gray eyes. Eyes that are tired, weary, and hollow. My eyes. Blonde hair cut just above thin shoulders, bangs partly obscure the empty eyes. The thin shoulders lead the eyes down to a slim but still built chest. Surprisingly the skin was still smooth and unscarred. Baggy black sweatpants covered the man in the mirror's legs.

I sighed, shaking my head. Thinking in third person wasn't healthy. Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I go over to the wardrobe and pull out my usual leather vest, pulling it on slowly, I zip it up. Not looking in the mirror even once, I pull off my sweatpants and take out a leather pair. Slipping them on and tying the laces almost painfully tight, I spin around to face the mirror. I make my eyes dark, cold, and menacing. With my preparation done, I push open my door, while running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to calm it a little.

I strut into the main room of the head quarters. Yes, I'm in the Mafia if you can't guess. I try to give off a 'Stay-the-fuck-away-from-me' vibe. Apperently it works on everyone but Rod. Rod Ross is my boss. Yes, it rhymes, get fucking over it.

"Hey Mello." he says, laid-back with two girls hanging on to him; hired whores no doubt.

"Hey Ross, what's up?" I ask casually. Sitting down on a part of the couch that I claimed as mine. Meaning that there would be no fucking there. Not unless you wanted to die.

"Did you find me a hacker?" he asked, an amused smile on his lips, full-well knowing that I hadn't.

Holding back a grimace, I shook my head and picked up a chocolate bar out of a bowl on the table. My Bowl. I unwrapped it, and bit a peice off. At this point in time, I didn't enjoy the 'snap' it made.

"Don't worry about it." Ross said, a smirk on his face. "I found us one. The guys are bringing him in later."

Thoroughly disturbed that Ross had gotten a guy without me, I inquired, "What? No name? No age?" I paused with a smirk. "No looks?"

"Ha... Not bad looking. Firey red hair, not sure what color eyes. Oh, ya." he grinned, "His name is Matt."

Involinarily my eyes widened, _Matt... Could it be...? That kid..._

"Know him, Mello?" Rod asked.

Knowing that it was pointless to lie, I anwsered truthfully.

"We went to the same orphanage. I never got to know him well... Total introvert..." Rod seemed satisfied with this anwser.

Just then, Snyder and Paul burst in.

"Boss! He got away!" Only then did they notice me, when I impaintently snapped off a peice of chocolate, enjoying the sound it created this time.

By this time, Rod was standing up, the two whores from before gone with the wind.

"What? How do you 'LOSE' a lazy-ass hacker?" he roared, his tone held frustration.

"H-he wasn't there!" Paul said, panicking.

"Wasn't where?" I asked cooly. If this guy had gotten away, and he was the 'Matt' I thought he was, then I'd need a clear head to catch him.

Afterall, he was a Wammy's kid.

Though I didn't know much about this Matt kid. Some things I did know. Matt had been ranked third during his time at Wammy's. I also know that he left some time before me, when I had been 13, making him 12. It had seemed as though Roger had expected Matt to leave. I also know that he had specialized in technology. I'm not sure why I hadn't thought of him before. Probably because I thought he had died, or that he'd dropped off the face of the Earth.

"He wasn't at his apartment, and his place was trashed." Handing a picture to Rod, Paul paused before continueing, "We found this note though."

Rod handed me the note:

_"We called dibs on this pretty boy._  
_Boss like exotic colors. Thanks for letting us know about his hacking talents._  
_Bitch never told us.- Bl00derz_"

Damn. Someone got there first. No. Mello. Doesn't. Lose.

Angrily, I bit off a peice of chocolate and began to think. Start with the obvious...

"Take me to his apartment." I said, my tone cold and unforgiving.

After a short ride over, we came to a stop in front of a half-way house. Surprisingly, it looked to be a pretty nice place- worn, but nice.  
Snyder and Paul led me to the 6th floor, and into apartment 13. Matt must have a sense of humor. Unfortunatly, the inside of his apartment wasn't in too good shape.

The walls were a dingy white, the hardwood floor could scarcely be seen. Clothes were everywhere. Still likes stripes; I noted in a bored fashion. The most noticable things in the room were the electronics. A set of large speakers were against the far wall, under a window. To my right, a big-ass TV with all the game systems imaginable; PS3, PS2, X-Box, X-Box 360, Gamecube... is that a Nintendo 64? Games were scattered, further obstructing the veiw of the floor.

In the middle of the room lay the controllers, as well as 3 laptops. The place for the forth was evident, as there was no dust. Also there was an ashtray over-stuffed with cigarette butts... wait, make that 2 ashtrays. God, this Matt was a serious chain-smoker. Other than that, the only other noticable things were two desk-tops on the left wall of the room.

Careful not to step on anything moldy- Wait, where was the food? Did this guy eat? Or only smoke...? Gross. Anyway, I made my way over to the bathroom, and Ta da! Our first clue! Semen.

Yum.

Pulling out a pair of gloves from my pants (You have no clue what I can put in there...). I slip them on, and like a true CSI, I swab it for DNA. I ignore the questions from Snyder and Paul.

After safely putting away the samples from the washroom (In my pants, where else?), I move to my next destination; the bedroom. My jaw drops as I enter the room. In contrast to the bathroom and main room, the bedroom looks... Untouched. The bed is made, the floor is clean, and when I look in the closet, it's empty.

"Whoa, you think he moved?" Snyder asks, like the idiot he is.

"Of course he didn't." I spat.

Snyder didn't take kindly to this.

"How do you fucking know? You little whore." he snarles.

At this, I do what any normal person would do. I take out my gun, aim it between his eyes and take off the safety latch (Stupid thing, who thinks of "Safety" and guns at the same time?).

... Okay. Any normal... Mello.

Fucking get over it.

"I fucking know because-"

"Because I'm right here." a quiet and weay voice states; tone revealing that the speaker was tired.

Snyder whips around and aims his gun. Meanwhile, I lower mine.

"Snyder, lower your weapon." Paul says, understanding my strategy.

Heh, I like Paul, I'll keep him around. Maybe.

Now turning my attention back to the owner of the apartment.

He was slumped over, his body free of all outward tension. His hair was indeed a firey red, and his eyes were covered by orange goggles. His hair was overgrown, his bangs would have covered his eyes even if he hadn't the eye gear. He wore a black and white striped shirt and loose skinny jeans, combat boots pulled over. A cigarette dangled from his lips and he was focused on the PSP in his hands, his fingers worked quickely, jittering over the buttons.

"Hello, Matt. Remember me?" When I received no response, I simply continued. "I'm Mello. Ring any bells?" His fingers paused for a milisecond before he shut off his game and looked up slightly.

"Rings a few." he said, "But I haven't got any time to chat." and with that he turned away from the bedroom and returned to the living room, I decided to follow him.

Once he entered the main room, he began shutting down the laptops and game systems. He carefully opened a bag that I hadn't noticed before, he put some of the clothes from the floor over a laptop that was already in the bag (The missing one from earlier, no doubt). Then, with _a lot_ of TLC he placed the next laptop in, then used some more clothes, then repeated the proccess until all the laptops were packed, then closed the bag. He placed the bag just outside the door. Is he crazy? This place may look nice, but I'm sure as hell that it'll get stolen... His loss, not mine.

When I turn my attention back to Matt, he was repeating the same thing, only this time with his larger game systems. Once that's packed, he leaves it by the door too. He takes out another smaller bag (Where is he getting all of these bags?) and puts his DS (And when did he get _that_?) in the bag, then packs some cords and a countless amount of games for DS and PSP.

"I'm out." was all he said as he walked out the door. It was only then that I noticed two things:

The fact that his bags were gone. And the black SUV waiting outside.

As he got into the vehicle, I could only swear.

_Mello Lost_. Mello. Doesn't. Like. To. Lose.


	2. The Plan

**Author's Note= If there are any mistakes, it's because I was to lazy to wait for my beta to finish beta-ing it and edited it myself... wait doesn't that make me not-lazy? Ah, well, who cares. But ya, sorry It's late, it was a bitch to type up... And for Rin, the awkward moment should be in the next chapter.**

**Author's Note= Edit, I'm now replacing this with the version that my Beta reader… Beta'd…. And the 4****th**** chapter is being written! ^.^**

~Mello's POV~

* * *

I let out an aggravated sigh as I leaned back against the zebra striped couch. I had only managed to manually match the DNA of the semen as Matt's. Whammy's had deleted his file, but I already had a printed out copy, therefore leaving me to match the markers myself. That didn't change the fact that it was Matt's DNA. That only brings one question.

Why was hacker Matt's jizz sprayed across the side of the bath tub?

My eyes widened as I came to a conclusion. I sat bolt upright.

"Got something, Mello?" Rod asked. He was lounging around. Snyder, Paul, and a few other guys from the gang were also in the room.

_Say, this table is about the height of the tub, is it not? _I eyed the table before standing up. I motioned to one of the whores in the room, and as she was slinking towards me, trying to be seductive, I stopped and dismissed her.

"Not your type, Mello?" Snyder snickered; I knew what he was implying.

With a smile full of fake innocence and eyes filled with malice, I spoke in a sickly sweet voice. "Snyder, do me a favor?" I paused to blink at his expression; pure horror. "Take off your pants and bend over the table."

"What? Hell n-"

"Do it." Rod was grinning; he always enjoyed watching my plans unfold. Apparently I was entertaining, not that I minded. Reluctantly, Snyder shed his pants, and standing in only his boxers, he bent over the table.

"I meant all of it. So that means boxers off," I stated icily. Everyone knew I was gay, but they wouldn't dare say anything, the cowards.

Shooting me what was supposed to be a death glare, I nearly laughed, but refrained from doing so. I just grinned instead. Standing on his knees, Snyder pulled down his boxers, revealing his junk.

I really... really, really, really did **not** need to see that (Even though I sort of asked for it...).

Snyder is now leaning over the table and looking like he just ate a lemon. "What the fuck are you waiting for?"

His question mildly surprised me. That is, before I burst out laughing. Did he actually think I'd fuck his ugly ass? Leaning down near his face, I tell him and the rest of the guys the truth and The Plan. Yes, _The_ _Plan_.

"You, Snyder, have just proved my theory," grinning and patting his back, I stand up straight and pull a chocolate bar out of the bowl; my bowl.

"Explain it to us, Mello." Rod said, shifting his position and preparing for a story.

"I think Matt is the Bl00derz' whore. I found semen on the side of the bath tub in his apartment. It matched his DNA. Also the note Snyder and Paul found says that they didn't know that Matt could hack. Not to mention it said that the 'Boss likes exotic colors' which makes sense." When I was finished, they all seemed to understand ... but you never know...

Snyder snorted, "And how do you fucking expect us to get him?"

"There are two things. First, I was about to tell you how. And second," I smirked, "you can pull your pants up any time now, that is unless you enjoy that position." At the last comment, he bolted upright and pulled his boxers up, then stood up and put his pants back on. Rod made a motion for me to finish.

"We need to buy him."

"Who in the fuck do you think is going to pay for him?" Snyder, still bitter from my comment (seriously get over it dipshit), hissed.

Rod Ross having enough humor to make a joke (and save himself money, I wonder if he planned that?) decided. "You will Snyder." A crooked grin was etched on his features. "How much would you pay for a red whore, Mello?"

"We should take more than necessary… say, around five grand." At the amount I suggested, Snyder's eyes widened and Rod burst out laughing.

"You'll have it tomorrow, Snyder," I sneered. "That's when we'll move."

"W-why so soon?" Snyder stuttered.

"The Bl00derz now know of his hacking talents. I don't want them to try and make him use them," I paused, taking another bite of my chocolate. "Plus, if they learn how well he can hack, the price will be higher. I'm going to bed now." Turning my eyes to Snyder's face, I glared; burning holes into his soul (because I'm just that epic, get fucking over it). "If you don't have the money by tomorrow at eleven p.m. you're going to wish that you were ten feet under."

I didn't wait to see if my threat had sunk in. I turned on my heel, and headed towards my room.

Once in the safety in my room, I headed to the attached bathroom. There was no mirror in the small room. Stripping off my leather I hopped into the shower, I sighed, feeling the far too hot water washing over my now red skin. For some reason I've always enjoyed hot water burning my body.

Once I finish my scalding shower, I towel dry my body and hair, and slip on my black sweatpants. As I walk out of my bathroom and back into my bedroom, I didn't bother with looking into the mirror, as I didn't feel like over-analyzing myself right now. I have a lot to do tomorrow...

_~Dream~_  
_I let out a strangled gasp at the scene before me. _

The priest, my guardian, was dead.

I seemed to be watching the scene from somewhere else. The words 'get over it' were echoing throughout the chapel.

On the ground he lay in a pool of his own blood, a crucifix stabbed in his eye. He laid face up, that face tried to turn towards my detached body, towards Miheal.

_~End~_

I sat upright, a layer of cold sweat on my skin, though I hardly noticed. I turned to look at the clock. Eleven a.m., too early. I rolled over, happy that my black curtains blocked the sun so well, doing my best not to think about the dream. I counted missiles. What did you expect a Mafia boss to count? Fucking sheep? Hell no, makes me think of the fucked up albino Near.

I wonder Matt thinks of Near...

With thoughts of Matt, I drifted off to sleep.

_~Second Dream~ _

_I screamed in frustration and punched the wall. Who was Roger to take away my chocolate? And he had the fucking nerve to take my Bible! My fucking bible! I sunk to the floor, a sob escaping me._

_Suddenly there was a quiet knock on the door I was leaning against. With all my rage directed towards the person at the door, I stood up and threw the door open. I was astonished when I saw what was there. On the floor just outside my door laid my bible. Not just that though, there was an untouched looking one next to it._

_Looking around the hall, and after I didn't see anyone there, I snatched the bibles. I took both books back into my room. Opening the cover of the newer looking one, I saw five words._

_Be strong and have faith._

_ ~End~_

I sighed, terribly unhappy with waking up. Looking over at my clock, I smile, my mood instantly lightening. It was a quarter past ten p.m. Perfect.

I stretch and let out a sound of frustration, informing everyone in the base of my awakening. I get out of bed and once look at myself in the mirror, since I didn't bother with it the night before. I saw the same blond hair, same thin shoulders, and same smooth skin. The only difference I saw was in the eyes. Instead of weary eyes, there are eyes that speak of the adrenaline rush going through me. I nearly jump to my wardrobe and throw open its black doors.

Guess what Mello gets to do today! And what might that be? Mello gets to dress like a slut!

With those happy thoughts, I pulled out some skimpy leather that I reserved for times that I felt like being a man-whore. That happens sometimes, shut up and fucking get over it. I brush my hair until it is smooth, and then apply a bit of eyeliner.

Why would our badass Mello be dressing slutty? Because I've learned that if I'm pleasing to look at, people (horny men) are more likely to take the bait.

Deeming myself sexy enough (even though I always am), I leave my small dark room, now it is nearing eleven. I take slow, deliberate steps, scanning the room with my maniac's grin. I probably look like a vampire slut on the hunt for blood.

"Got the money, Snyder?" I ask, my casual tone turning malicious at his name.

Snyder quickly nods, a look of horror on his face (most likely from my expression and clothes), and turns around to pick up a brief case before shoving it in my hands as though it were diseased.

Opening the case I find that it has more than five thousand bucks, not that I minded. Looking at the clock, it is a minute past eleven.

"Let's go." I say blankly, turning on my heels and not bothering to see if anyone's following.

~Time Skip~

We're finally in the Bl00derz base.

We showed the money and said there was a nice whore we saw and wanted. Not a complete lie; Matt wasn't bad looking after all. After following the guy we showed the money to, he said he'd lead us to the boss. Currently Rod, Paul, Snyder and I were following him, and if my information was correct, we'd be at the main room right about... now. The guy knocked on the door before opening it.

Once inside the room, which was painted a maroon color with a creamy white carpet, I couldn't help but think how shitty our base was. Then I saw him.

Matt was on the couch, curled against the gang leader, Bullet. Matt had a cigarette between his lips and a PSP in his hands. Bullet was tugging at his arm to get his attention. I watched as Matt put the game away and allowed Bullet to remove and stub out the cigarette that had previously been in between his soft- wait… what? It had been in between his lips. It was also being replaced by a newly lit one.

Matt seemed to relax against Bullet after the first drag. That is, until his eyes caught sight of me. He bolted upright, back stiff, one hand gripped his PSP, while the other mechanically went to his cigarette.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

What a nice greeting after 6 years.


	3. Bullet In My Ass

**Author's Note (9/22)= Okay, so the editing continues... ^^**

I flipped the disposible cell phone closed. Apperently there was a gang who had gotten ahold of my contact information. Dear Zelda, it's already bad enough to be wanted by a normal gang, nevermind a gang with a Wammy's kid in the high ups. Yes, I hacked their database, and I d also known that they were coming for me. Why else would they look me up? I didn't need Bullet to tell me. Wait, how did he find out?

Stubbing out my over-smoked cigarette butt, I quickly pull out another and light it.

Did they get another hacker? I take a drag in, hold it and let it out.

So I'm just there for kicks? I let out a chuckle and look down at the floor.

I sighed and got up. It's not as though the Bl00derz know I can hack... _fuck_. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Now they knew... I'm in so much shit... better get out of here now... Damn, it doesn't matter, now does it? They're gonna find me anyway... best to have a laptop with me.  
After packing my computer into a case designed to carry mulitple laptops, I shove a pair of jeans, three pairs of boxers (with my job, you never know how many you'll need), and an extra shirt into the bag and close it. I grabbed my wallet, lighter, and keys before heading to the door.

As I was leaving though, I saw two men getting out of a silver honda. Deciding that I really didn't want to chat with them, I decided to use the window instead. After carefully stepping on a speaker, and praying that my hard drive would survive the fall, I jumped and braced myself for the crash. Only, I was caught by an arm around my waist.

"Oh... hey, Bullet." I said, instantly nervous.

"Ya' never mentioned that ya' could hack some hearts fer meh," Bullet spoke with a Jamacian accent. I began to sweat.

"I-I never thought it mattered." Nice going Matt; real smooth...

"So ya' were content wit' bein' mah whore?" He asked, and I could almost hear his grin.

Knowing how to save my ass, I leaned on his arm, and pushed myself towards his chest. "'Course. Why wouldnt I-"

"'Cause ya' 'ave found a way ta' make some doe, babe." Now he was whispering in my ear. "How long?"

"H-how long what?" I breathed, his hand traveling up my shirt. Suddenly his other hand was on the back of my neck, pushing me forwards. I yelped as the hand up my shirt scraped my chest.

"I-I'm sorry!" I screamed.

"Betta' be," He threatened. "I 'ad one o' mah bros leave 'em a nice lil' note."

I stayed silent.

"Were ya' tinkin' ' joinin' 'em, pretty boy?"

"N-no! Of course not! I-I wouldn't betray you." It ended up as a whisper as I began to pant, the hand up my shirt toying with my right nipple.

"Where were ya' tinkin' of goin'?"Bullet asked seductively, licking my ear a little bit. The hand that was on the back of my neck was petting my hair almost gently.

"I-I was just going to get some more smokes," I said, still panting.

"Ah, well, I got some real nice an' expensive ones back at da' base." if possible, he leaned closer, "da ones ya' like."

I shivered. If I had been smart at that point in time, I would have just nodded... but, I wasn't.

"T-the ones I like?" My voice was quiet, and my stuttering was bothering me.

"Yea, want one, little cardinal?"

"Y-ya, I-I need one..." Here's the addiction talking.

"Okay, I ain't got any o' yer fav'rite 'ere." He paused, watching my face fall in dissapointment. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped... damn nicotine addiction.

"Don' worry, I 'ave some o' da regular ones 'ere." He whispered, putting a cigarette to my lips. I hesitated. Wrong Move.

"What's wrong? Ya' don't trust meh?" Now he was towering over me.

"No, it's not that."

"Den what is it?"

"I-I," I lowered my head to avoid his accusing glare. "I don't know."

"Do ya' know how ta' make it up ta me?" I shuddered, instantly understanding, and nodded numbly.

He led me up the stairs to my apartment; six flights up, #13. Because things that should never happen, happen there. As I opened the door to my apartment, I felt the numb feeling I craved start to devour my being. Bullet led me to my small bathroom and closed the door, closing off the last of my feelings.

I tried to imagine that I was somewhere else, that I was someone else. I imagined that the pained groans escaping my lips were relaxed sighs. I pretended that I was watching my character get pounded against the tub. Imagined that I was only a bystander and not the victim. Never the victim.

I couldn't stop the scream that ripped from my throat. I looked down, ashamed. My seed sprayed across the side of the tub. Bullet pulled his pants up, patted my back, flashed me a smile and left the bathroom.

"I'll give ya' an 'alf an hour ta' get reay 'fore I send fer ya'." And he was gone.

I didn't dare move, for I feared the pain that would follow the action.

After around five minutes, I realized something. I only had thirty minutes. Well, more like twenty-five minutes now...

Groaning, I forced myself up off the floor. I didn't bother with cleaning, instead I just pulled my pants back up and retied my belt. Slowly I opened the bathroom door, and walked (limped) at a leisurely pace to the front door, picking up my laptop case on the way.

The stairs were hell... and then before I knew it, POOF! I'm at the drug store.

Oh, Matt, what could you need here? Simple, bandages.

After limping down the aisles, I finally find my medicinal needs, and head to the register. The woman at the register stared at me, so I violently shove the stuff towards her. Ripping her gaze away from me, she then stares at what I was buying; Band-aids, guaze, disinfectant, and condoms (I have a feeling I may need them...)

Growling, I put down the exact change.

... So what if I buy this every week?

With a sigh, I left the store, stopping in a nearby alley. Taking out my supplies, I repair my wounds, which consist of some bruises on my hips, cuts on my shoulders (bite marks?) and cuts on my stomach.

I then shove the condoms in my laptop case and leave the alley.


	4. Broken

**Author's Note= I hope you like my smut =) It all starts getting graphic here… Next chapter is filled with lime, lemons, and any other citrus fruit you can think of =) Muhahaha…. But I ain't no queen of smut, so forgive if I lack… And can someone explain to me how the damn breaks on Microsoft work? It's annoying me highly….**

**Mello's POV**

"Nice to know you're still polite," I sneered, instantly regretting it as Bullet pulled the still very rigid red head to his chest.

Ripping his gaze away from me, he forced himself to relax against Bullet, and then he rewarded himself with a drag off his cigarette.

"'Ow do ya' know 'im, lil' cardinal?" Bullet asked Matt. Said entity snapped out of his daze, taking a few moments to register the question.

So, it's true, cigarette DO kill brain cells. Yay! Mello solved a mystery!

"Er… I don't know him…?" Wow. Well, he hadn't seemed as retarded in the apartment.

This obvious lie got his cigarette stubbed out and not replaced. _Heh… now I know how to punish him. Thanks Bullet._

Matt let out a whine and looked up at Bullet, who seemed to be happy with himself.

"We went to the same orphanage," I said, putting him out of his misery, and also cutting off any hope he had of getting another cigarette. He knew this and gave me a 'fuck you, bitch, go to hell' look, but deep in his gaze I could see hope behind the goggles. Deep down, he wanted us to save him from the fate he had sentenced himself to. Or had been sentenced to? That didn't change anything though. Well, maybe it did.

"We're buying the red whore."

Oh no. Whipping my head around I saw that it had been Snyder who had spoken. _Idiot! I had everything going perfectly!_

Bullet just laughed until Matt jumped up and ran out of the room. _What… in the world?_

Bullet now stood up angrily, "whore? 'E's mah whore, ya' can't call 'im that. Only I can."

Matt re-entered the room, being roughly pushed forwards by two intimidating looking African guys. Well, intimidating to all but Mello… and Rod. Matt too apparently, who was struggling against them more than he had when they first came into the room.

"Let me fucking go! I want to go back to my damned apartment!" His tone went desperate at the end, as his struggling became half-hearted. Eventually he went limp, shutting down and falling to the floor. I was near, so I reached out and caught his arm; he didn't respond, but Bullet did.

"Don' touch 'im! Or I'll 'ave yer 'ead!"

My eyes widened at his possessiveness. Before I could do as planned and drop him, Matt gripped my arm, using me as support to pull himself up.

"I'm fine, Bullet. If it weren't for Mello, I would have hurt myself." I stared at Matt's back as he walked towards Bullet, trying to judge the hacker's intent.

As soon as he was in reach, Bullet backhanded him hard. So hard, in fact, that Matt fell to the floor again. It amazed me that he didn't look the least bit shocked.

"Who gave you permission to speak, blood puppy?" Matt lay with his head down on his side facing Bullet. Bullet's face softened, obviously he found Matt cute. How touching.

"An' 'ow did ya' know 'is name?" Bullet's tone was falsely soft, the underlying tone of accusation very visible.

"I… heard of him at the orphanage, he was hard to miss." Matt's voice was quiet; Bullet was still staring at him, a clear sign to continue. "I also hacked their data-base."

My eyes widened. _He hacked our data-base? The bastard! Fuck, let's get this over with so I can kick his ass._

"Sorry to interrupt," I said, as sweetly and with as much politeness as I could muster.

Bullet turned to me, looking me up and down, the pervert.

"Why don' ya' eva' dress like tha'?" Bullet questioned Matt, pulling the red-head to his feet.

"How much do you want for him?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

Bullet seemed to think about it, while Matt tensed, probably wide-eyed behind his goggles.

"N-no! Bullet you can't really…" Matt trailed off at the look he received from Bullet.

"We'll give you five grand for him," I interjected, priding myself on picking the perfect moment.

"Lil' cardinal, yer worn out. An' I'm getting' tired o' ya'." Matt's eyes were now definitely wide, and his entire being spoke one word; rejection.

"W-wait! I'll respond! I swear! J-just don't let them take me!" I could almost see the flashback going on behind his goggled eyes.

"Cardinal, yer broken." Bullet stated blankly.

I walked forwards, handed the brief case to Bullet, and pulled Matt with me. Matt was dead weight, numbly allowing me to drag him. On closer inspection there was a faint red spot from where Matt had been hit by Bullet. As I gripped his wrist, I couldn't help but comfort him, I rubbed my thumb over his pulse point. I noticed that as I did this, he let out a nearly silent groan. So that meant he enjoyed it. I internally smirked at my discovery.

Our leaving the B00derz' base was swift. Matt had started shaking as soon as I stopped rubbing his wrist; he was now being pulled by Snyder.

"He won't stop his fucking shaking! It's getting worse!" Snyder was complaining again.

I released an aggravating sigh into the midnight air, grabbed Matt by his forearm and forcefully pulled him away from Snyder. I decided to try something on the entranced gamer. I lifted two fingers to the pulse point on his neck and rubbed gently. Matt released a soft moan and stopped shaking.

"How did you fucking do that?" Snyder asked, being an idiot.

"When I pulled him away earlier, I noticed that he relaxed when I touched his wrist." I continued to rub his neck, and Matt was looking at me with a 'if you don't stop, I'll make you pay' look, or at least trying to. I smirked.

"Come on, blood pup." I imitated Bullet's 'angry' pet name. Heh… well that earned me a glare. I moved my hand down to the collar of his shirt and pulled him with me, swaying my hips as I walked in front of him.

I wanted to tease him; I wanted him to find me attractive. I might even let him dominate me. I needed to boost his confidence and get him to have an emotional attachment to me. I needed to fix the damaged parts, because as Bullet had said, _Matt is broken._

"How does wrist equal neck?" Snyder... you're a dumb fuck.

"Both neck and wrist equal pulse points." Surprising us all, Matt was the one to speak up as I dragged him into the crappy silver Honda that was property of our gang. "I-I like it… sorta. And wait," he tugged against my hold. "I need to get my car."

Now that confused me.

"But you came in that black SUV."

"No, they made it look that way in case you tried to follow me."

Ah, that made sense.

"I'll go with you to get your car." I said a hint of suggestion in my tone.

Matt turned away and began to walk left. I followed behind him, checking him out.

He hadn't changed much from his time at Whammy's. Same red hair; still overgrown. Same dorky goggles and the same fashion sense. Only now he was older, I observed as he idly leaned against a red sports car (A Camaro?) He was older, taller, thinner and broken. The look in his eyes made _me_ feel hollow. And it made me want him to fill me.

Moving forwards, I pressed my body to his, whispering seductively, "Matt, wanna play a game?"

"I-I can't!" He gasped and reached down to grasp the door handle.

_You're a foolish little boy. That's the wrong handle._ I smirked and pushed him into the car now that the door had been opened and into the back seat.

"W-wait!" Matt stuttered. "I'm no good to fuck! My ass is all worn out…. a-and I have trouble getting off!" he paused, lowering his eyes. "You won't enjoy me."

_Yep, looks like Mello needs to build his confidence._

"Trouble getting off, eh?" I mused, sure enough, he wasn't hard. _Eh, I'll save getting fucked in the ass by him for later. Now I'll let him face fuck me. I wonder if he's a screamer…_

"Y-yeah, so stop..." Lies; he wanted it. I can see it, he may not be completely hard, but that can change. Smirking in a sexy (at least I think so, get over it) manner, I lowered myself to my knees, so I could lean in between his legs, which were dangling out of the car and just off the ground.

"And your ass is worn out?" I questioned, leading his body and his mind where I wanted them to go. I wanted him thinking of his lowest moments. I needed his confidence and emotions to hit rock bottom so that I could fix him. Rebuild him the way I wanted him.

"Y-yeah, it's probably all loose an-"

"My ass is tight," I interrupted him suggestively.

I left feather-light touches on his hips and torso, and as I ghosted over his crotch, I could feel his erection. _Ha, so much for not being able to get off. I must be good at this._

"You like that?" He blushed. "Like the thought of shoving your hard dick up my ass?"

His face was the same color as his hair, and he turned his away. I took this opportunity to tug at his pants, almost instantly, his head snapped back to look at me.

"I wouldn't enjoy you?" I continued, while removing Matt's pants and drowning him in his own sorrows.

He didn't respond. Well, he did respond, just not to my words. He had let out a long groan as I nuzzled his now bare shaft.

It smelled odd, not how I expected it to. Now that I thought about it, Matt himself didn't smell like I expected. One would expect him to smell like cigarettes and sweat. Well, he did, but under that scent, he smelled like lemongrass or like oranges. Odd thing was I enjoyed the smell. This is exactly what I told him when he asked why I was smelling his dick, part of his true sarcastic nature shining through. Good, he's recovering around me. Though he still needs some discipline…

"Don't be a smart ass."

"Why not? What are you gonna do 'bout it?" a slight British accent infiltrated Matt's voice, reminding me of his origins. He'd always been British; born and raised, well until he left Whammy's, that is.

"Hey, idiot, don't piss off the guy with your dick in his hands." I gave a slight squeeze to his testis, and his face paled and his mouth shut. Deciding that I'd been a little too harsh, I licked the underside of his shaft. I was rewarded with a buck from the slim hips that the redhead owned.

"But I'll give you what you want it you play nice," I gave another lick, this time closer to the tip. He hissed an 'I'll play nice' under his breath.

I smirked before setting up to work. I lifted up his legs to the outer rim of the car door, so that he'd have some leverage; after all, I wanted him to dominate. Once I was set up, I decided to tease him some more.

"Ya' want it?" I whispered, while making sure my breath tickled his shaft.

"Ah… fuck… yes." He moaned breathily.

Making a sudden movement, I engulfed his entire length into my mouth. Matt almost screamed out and bucked into my mouth.

"M-more!" I went up and down slowly, my eyes on his face inviting him to fill my mouth.

"Gah! I-I need… ah! I need- fuck!"

It continued on like that, so he _was _a screamer, or at least during blow jobs. I hummed at this thought, and he moaned, bucking into my mouth. I moaned trying to portray my liking for it rough. He got the drift, and began to fuck my face harshly. I relaxed my throat taking his entire shaft and hummed, sending him over the edge.


	5. Everything You Want

**Author's Note= So here is the 5****th**** chapter. The 6****th**** is already written, just needs to be typed and beta'd. Also, I believe that I'll be releasing a one-shot. A MattXNear One-shot. Anyway, how do people feel about MattXNear in Hack My Heart? (Not that it's gonna happen or anything… *Shifty eyes*) And Gomen if my chapters get all emo... or Near-ish... I seem to have developed a temporary anger with Mello... Not that it had anything to do with the convention or anything... *More shifty eyes* Speaking of which, anyone go to the Anime North convention? If you were there on the Saturday, I was the fail Matt taking pictures of people .  
Anyway, On with the Chapter!**

**Oh, and I may as well put up a Disclaimer= I don't own Death Note, if I did, I'd be in it, and I'd be in a not-so-loving relationship with our BB, and Matt would have whipped out a machine gun and killed all of Takada's guards before going home to cook Mello a home-made meal =) And I don't own "Everything You Want" That belongs to Vertical Horizion.**

Mello's POV

* * *

His panting was all I heard as he came down from his high. It was the second high of the night. For a guy who had trouble getting off, he sure was responsive to my mouth.

Currently we were back in my room, he was pressed up against the wall and I was once again on my knees in front of him, his semen in my mouth. I swallowed all of it, and then stood up. As I did, Matt slid down the wall. _What a perfect position, blood pup._

He looked up at me with hidden eyes; he still wouldn't let me take off his goggles. Seeming to sense what I wanted, he reached up and unlaced my leather pants. _Okay Mello, chill, play the uke and entice his inner seme._

I couldn't help the shudder that ran through my body when he licked the underside of my shaft. Gently, he pushed me away and towards the bed.

_Getting dominant already?_

Matt had been recovering wonderfully lately, and it had been a month since we bought him from the Bl00derz. He was still quiet and tended to stick to me since I pretty much took care of him. Sometimes his sarcastic side came out, surprising both Snyder and Paul. Rod was content with watching and occasionally using Matt as a whore. And though Matt seemed fine with it, when the two of us got down to fooling around, he was always more submissive and harder to coax.

Today was one of those days, he hadn't once bucked into my mouth, and he wouldn't touch me. The farthest we had gone was oral, but I planned on changing that. I sighed, pushing his head away from my dick. I wanted him to be rough tonight, but he obviously wasn't in the mood.

Over the last month, I learned a lot about Matt and his body. I learned he had some piercing, mainly a belly button one. He talked about getting a piercing on his dick, I could only fantasize about how that would feel inside.

"What's wrong?" Matt sounded so dejected that I decided to tell him the truth.

"You don't seem to be in the mood to be rough," I stated, my mind trying to order my dick into submission. We could only have it rough; any softer and it might mean something, and we can't have that.

"Oh…" he seemed to have more to say, and he did. "You… only like it rough?"

What? Isn't that what I just said?

"Yeah…" I stated blankly.

"I see," he stood silently, getting dressed. I looked at the clock and saw it was around eleven pm.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked, pissed that he was leaving.

"Somewhere else," he stated, matching my earlier blank tone.

Matt was hiding something; had been for the last two weeks. He always came back with something new, something I knew he couldn't afford. Matt either said he 'found it' or that he 'got it'. I never believed him. He always left after something bad happened, or if he thought it might happen. I was beginning to think he was back in contact with Bullet, but that didn't make sense. If Matt was seeing Bullet, all his progress would be shot.

It was obvious that the hacker was going to see someone. Someone that was more submissive than himself, someone who still had a firm grip on reality. A firm grip on Matt.

I let out a screech of frustration and threw a book across the room. I needed to be that someone.

I sighed before standing up in the dimly lit room and I looked in the mirror. Ah, my good old mirror. It was showing me something that I didn't like, so I turned away. I shed of all my leather, pulling out my sweatpants; I still slept shirtless, which reminded me of the fact that I still hadn't seen Matt without his shirt. It was all a part of my trying to make him feel dominant.

And my trying was failing. I needed a new plan.

_How the fuck am I suppose to come up with another one? Okay, I can do it. I'm Mello, and I __**will**__ be number one. I'll kick Near's ass._

* * *

_I shivered, pulling my cream vest closer. The wind was blowing my messy hair everywhere, making it look like really bad bed-head. I went downtown, to the bad district, the district where I could get high, drunk, pounded and forget._

_Mello wasn't helping me forget. No, I don't want to be dominant, I can't get used to it. Being dominant was… horrible. I could never do it. And he wasn't helping me forget! No, he wanted me to be rough. I could never do that._

_I stood on the street, hoping to get picked up by someone, sure it was prostitution, but it made me forget._

_It made me forget everything. Forget my mom, who I thought loved me. Forget my dad, who sold me. Forget the swimmer whose goggles I wear. Forget the evil people with all their tests and false promises. Forget Whammy's where I'd been alone, isolated. Forget Bullet who used me, abused me, and then threw me away, just like everyone else. Forget Mello who is trying to manipulate me, just as everyone else. Forget Matt who doesn't exist. Forget Mail whose past makes him suffer. Forget Mail who needs to forget everything._

"_What is Matt doing here?" My green eyes widened behind my orange goggles, and I turned towards the voice._

* * *

"You want us to limit his movements?" Rod asked.

"Yeah, I can't do it or he won't trust me, and we'll be back to square one." Matt hadn't come back that night, he's been gone for two days. It was pissing me off.

"Paul, go find him. Be rough, we want Mello lookin' like the hero." …Rod wasn't an idiot. I was happy for that.

Once Paul had gone, an eerie silence fell over Rod, Snyder and I. _Wait, Snyder is quiet? He knows something I don't._

"Snyder," at the sound of his name, he looks up. I lock eyes with him. We stay like this for a while.

"What the fuck? Let me go!"

_Looks like Matt's back,_ I thought idly, watching lazily as said hacker was being dragged in by an angry looking Paul.

"What did you 'find' this time?" I asked with a bored tone. Matt stopped struggling and eyed me with something I couldn't decipher behind those stupid goggles. He was hiding something too, not that I hadn't already figured that out.

When I got no response from Matt, I turned to Paul and was about to speak, when Rod did first.

"Where did you find him?" Oh, yeah, I have to play the good guy.

"I found him buying these," with that Paul threw down several packs of cigarettes.

Oh, I had forgotten his addiction.

"How did you get the money for them?" I made my voice soft. I sighed when he didn't answer. "Right, come with me."

I stood up off my section of couch, picked up the packs of cigarettes and walked to my room. Or should I say our room? I heard Matt's quiet footsteps behind me. I had his addiction, of course he's gonna follow.

Once we were both in the room, I shut the door and leaned against it after locking it. _Sorry Matty, no escape._

"Matt…" I sighed, shaking my head.

"Can I have my fags?" Getting straight to the point, now are we?

"No."

_Okay, I've had enough of waiting for him to dominate! …Chill Mello. I know exactly what to do, make him jealous. But first, we have to get rid of this problem._

"Matt, please tell me." The softness of my voice seemed to both frighten and comfort him at the same time.

"M-Mello," he started, his tone hesitant, although something seemed off. I simply watched him.

"What do you want from me?" he whispered, head bowed.

His question startled me. What did I… want? What did… Mello want? No, what did Miheal want? Fuck you, Matt. For making me think like this.

"What… do I… want?" My voice gave me away (something I most certainly _didn't_ want), wavering in places. "There are a lot of things I want, Matt."

"From _me,_ what is it?"

"I want you to beat me." My mouth gave way, and all my hidden desires that my conscious mind hadn't even known I'd had poured out through my god forsaken lips. "I want you to dominate me, I want you to fucking control me! I want to make you jealous, I want you to be so focused on me that you forget whatever problems you're having."

"Oh." Matt's entire face was red. "Y-you want me to-"

"No, first I'm gonna show you your options." A plan formed in my mind.

"Wait." There was a slight anxiousness in his tone. "Another time… today… isn't a good day."

Deciding to listen to him, I nodded. Still, I wanted something. Then it hit me, and I smirked.

"Sixty nine?" Matt's eyes widened behind his goggles, but his entire body screamed yes, a clearly visible hard-on beginning.

"Sorry to interrupt your fun," Snyder's mocking voice killed my dirty thoughts. _Fuck you Snyder, I was enjoying those thoughts._ "You've got a fucking call, Mello."

"Who?" out of the corner of my eye I saw Matt tense, and glare at Snyder, I dismissed it for nothing.

"Some guy name Near or something."

"Near." I snarled. _That fucking little… Why is he calling me? Damn the fucking albino to hell for ruining my damn plans…_

Storming from the room, I paid no attention to Snyder's smirk, or Matt's tense posture.

"What the hell do you want?" I hissed into the phone, only to have the caller hang up. _Near? No, why would he do that? But if Snyder made it up, how would he know about Near? And why would he make it up in the first place?_ Both questions led to one answer: _Matt._

_But why did Snyder want to be alone with Matt? … Snyder should hope I don't find them within a foot of each other._

As I near the door, I heard groans. More importantly, they were Matt's groans. Learning on the door, I mentally hissed, Snyder was ruining all my progress!

I opened the door I silently, Snyder didn't notice as he continued to fuck Matt. Said idiot had his eyes locked on me.

"I-I thought you said 'e wouldn't b-be back for a while!" Matt's British accent slipped in again.

"Well, I'm back. Get your dick out of his ass, Snyder." Suddenly I got an evil idea to heighten Matt's confidence.

Snyder meanwhile had done as he was told, and Matt was now leaning against a wall, head bowed.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, he managed to light a cigarette even though his hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry," he repeated before looking up, "but I can't tell you why."

I'm not sure if he meant why he was sorry, or why he was letting Snyder have his way, or maybe why he'd been sneaking out?

Why… that was a bad thing to be denied.

* * *

**A/N= Love it? Hate it? Beat it with a stick?  
Some people may have noticed I changed it from Hurt/Comfort to Angst, I think I might change it back... I dunno.**


	6. Wouldn't It Be Good

**Author's Note= Okay, chapter 6. Know that chapters 7, 8, and 9 are done. I just need to type them. **

**I'm really starting to hate typing. So, if my updates are slow, it's not because I have writer's block or any horrid thing like that, it's just because I'm lazy. And reviews me get my ass in gear. And thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed, my head is all fogged, so I can't thank you by name right now. **

**Having a little crisis with a friend… But I'm good, if anything, that may be increasing the production of this story. I know it's produced two poems ("Hush, My Angel" and "My Heart")**

**But ya… And to all those people who subscribed and/or favorited but DIDN'T review…. Well, B'sWN loves reviews. I mean LOVES. So she's sad that she only has, what 9, so far? I'm guessing, if you want more chapters faster, reviews are needed… Okay, my disturbingly long rant is over!~ BTW, Beware of YAOI and STRIAGHT LEMONS (I know what you're thinking, "She's insane! Matt and Mello are GAY boys!" But you'll see why…. *Evil laugh*) **

**Disclaimer= I don't own Death Note, we all know what would happen if I did. And the lyrics at the end of the chapter is "Rescue Me" by Hawthorne Heights.**

**Song for this chapter= Wouldn't It Be Good by Cascada**

Mello's POV

* * *

I allowed myself a front row seat to watch my evil plan unfold. Snyder had killed all my progress, so he was going to pay. And incidentally, rebuild my progress at the same time.

Neither Snyder nor Matt knew my plan, which is pretty much the reason I was able to get them both in the main room of the base, in the view of all the gang members- in the view of Rod Ross.

"Rod, want some entertainment?" I asked, smirking.

I was wearing my skimpy leather, as I always had been since we got Matt. Trying to entice him, it had worked, just not as well as I would've liked.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?" Rod was grinning, he knew something good was coming (or bad, depends on who you are).

"Well first, we'll have Matt spank Snyder…" I trailed off, looking at Matt, who actually looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

Yep, he was recovering already. Damn his sarcastic nature. Snyder on the other hand was not pale, but his face was completely red.

"That is not fucking happening, you freak whore!" Too bad Snyder, there is a reason I told Rod and not you.

"I'm bored. Matt, do it." Rod reclined lazily, watching the show comfortably.

"Wha-? You're actually going along with this?" Matt was startled; that much was obvious.

"Yeah, so hurry up and smack his ass," I smirked, Rod was getting impatient.

Snyder bent over the table, and removed his pants. Seems like he's been making friends with this table lately… I made a motion to Matt, who frowned before walking forwards. He pulled out a pair of gloves, some long leather ones, not bad Matty; not bad.

The hacker dropped to his knees behind Snyder, and without hesitation (probably before he could stop himself) he smacked Snyder hard. He flinched as the sound resonated through the air.

Hm… Matt could use a reward after this, couldn't he?

I walked up to Rod, and whispered in his ear as another smack ran through the air, followed by a yelp from Snyder.

"Rod, can Matt borrow one of your whores?"

"I see where this is going, I'll give him two." _Smack. Yelp._ Thank god for Rod being something evil, because from what I recall, Matt has a fear of women.

"Okay Matt, I know you're having fun, but you can stop now," I teased him and he looked up from his work; A.K.A. Snyder's flaming red ass.

I smirked (or grinned?) evilly as two girls snuck up on Matt.

"What the hell?" Matt nearly shouted as he was pulled backwards by his shoulders into a blonde girl's lap, his head resting on her lower stomach. He hissed at me before relaxing as I rubbed his pulse point.

"Wha're ya' doin'?" His words were slurred as I was rubbing the skin above the vein. I pulled my hand back and allowed my body to fall into my section of the couch.

"Ugh… stop it," Matt struggled against the blonde girl's hold as the other girl, a brunette one, licked at his neck. But that blonde girl was strong, I knew because I'd fucked her before. Damn girl was a freak of nature!

"-the FUCK?" Matt nearly screamed as the brunette engulfed his still placid length.

Well, used to be placid; with enough teasing (and some Viagra added to his meals) any man will be hard. The hacker let out another hiss as the brunette released his length just before release.

Neither of the girls touched Matt anywhere other than his dick; I would be the only one to do that.

"Oi! Don't you wanna touch, Matt?" I asked, also hinting to the whores what their next move should be.

And sure enough, before the gamer could say anything, his hands were placed on the brunette girl's breasts as she lowered herself onto his dick.

"Holy fuck! You win, Mello! You damn win!" So he still doesn't like women…

I motioned for the girls to let him go. The blonde girl did as was told, whereas the other one didn't. She continued to bounce herself on Matt, who now had his hands on her neck. He was choking her, I observed, and she was enjoying it. He was shooting me panicked, pleading looks, so I decided to help him.

I walked up behind the stupid, stupid girl, and grabbed her neck. Then I snapped it. Blood splattered on Matt's face, and I dragged the girl's body off of him.

"Get up." I ordered. Matt did as Matt was told. Good boy.

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the safe (at least usually) haven of our room. He had already put his junk away, obviously body shy.

Once in our room, I changed, wanting him to see my body, wanting him to want it.

"I'm going to take a shower," his voice was soft, and I really didn't mind, he had a nice voice…

With my sweatpants I slipped into my side of the bed. I closed my eyes, and let sleep take me.

* * *

"_What does 'gay' mean, Father?" I asked, tilting my head. "The other kids are always saying that."_

"_My Child, 'gay' is a widely used term. It can mean happy, or it can mean boys loving boys." My old priest looked down at me, a small smile on his lips and something hidden in his eyes._

"_Boys loving boys? Isn't that a sin?" I asked, remembering the Bible passage I'd read just last night._

_The old priest smiled bitterly, "yes, My Child, it's a sin."_

* * *

I sighed, rolling over, and expecting to be pushed out of bed by a certain red-headed orphan, only to be met with nothing. I opened my eyes, and looked around the room, it was empty.

My eyes settled on the clock; 8 am. Did Matt leave during the night? I shook the thoughts away; his spot was still warm. So I went to the only place Matt went freely, the kitchen. When I got there, I nearly laughed at what I saw.

Matt was in an apron, trying to flip chocolate chip pancakes. The radio was playing a song I didn't recognize, but I liked it.

"_Just Breathe,  
the midnight air will do you well.  
Believe,  
I miss your taste, I miss your smell;  
the past mistakes that brought you here.  
I'll break the fall for you my dear,  
I'll ask the nurse for bandages,  
and send me on my way"_

Matt seemed to know the song as he hummed along.

"Rescue me  
from everything;  
I just wanna live,  
I wish I could breathe.

Every other day  
I sit and wait for the same bad news;  
can you hear me say  
I've got nothing left to lose?  
Someone please start making sense,  
And beg the lord for accidents.  
I've seen the worst case scenario  
slowly letting go"

I sighed, sometimes things were so peaceful. So peaceful I could almost believe everything was perfectly normal. Key word: _Almost._

* * *

"_Rescue me  
from everything;  
I just wanna live  
I wish I could breathe."_

* * *

**A/N= Like? some people may haave noticed that I swapped chapters 2 and 3, do you think it has better flow that way? And I also changed the summary again. Comments on that?**


	7. Lithium

**Author's Note= So far, this chapter has to be my favorite. I quite like how I made Matt's past. So I really enjoyed making his dream in here =) And in case you didn't notice, the chapters from Matt's Point of view are far and few, though I believe I have one coming up, and there's a bit of his POV coming in this chapter. And all the reviews I've been receiving have been doing their jobs, and motivating me. =) If you want info on upcoming chapters, it's on my profile. I've got a whole "Long Term Projects" thing going on. =P And before I forget to mention it; I've got a poll on my profile. Your thoughts on character death in here. Depending on the results, I'll either stick to canon or disregard it.**

**Song For This Chapter= Lithium by Evanescence**

Mello's POV

* * *

"What're you cooking Matt?" I asked, casually leaning against the door frame, a small smile on my lips.

Said hacker turned to me with an easy grin, a cigarette dangled between his lips. No wonder he's in a good mood.

"I'm making French toast," he said.

My smile dissolved. There was something in his tone; _false_ happiness, _real_ emptiness. I walked towards him, fixing my glare on him. His body didn't have any tension, increasing my suspicion.

"Matt, what's wrong?" I asked quietly, continuing to advance.

Only now, did he realize that I was on to him. My second clue that he wasn't alright was his stupidity. He backed up, putting his arm on the stove burner. My third clue was his reaction or rather, lack thereof. One whole minute later he numbly put his arm in front of his face.

"Whoopsies." He giggled; the freak fucking _giggled._

"Matt, what are you on?" I asked.

Then I took his arm by the wrist and looked for needle marks. Though, the burn wasn't too bad. I was drawing in a breath for a sigh, when I smelled it. There was something laced in his cigarette. I decided not to press yet, but I still wanted to know what I was dealing with.

"I won't get mad, I promise." I sealed the promise with a gentle kiss on his neck.

"Uh… nicotine and lithium." That explained it.

"You bought it on the street?" I whispered with my face still against his neck. Never mind me not pressing…

"Yeah," his voice was breathy and his hands found my hips.

"How?" I knew where I wanted this to go. In his right mind, he would too, but in his self-induced drugged state, he wouldn't have a clue.

"I went out, out downtown." He paused, snuggling his nose into my hair. "Then I waited until I found an old friend of Bullet's, then I bought the lithium." Drugged Matt was so honest… and affectionate…

"Where did you get the money?" I let my curiosity enter my tone; it's not like his fogged brain would be able to comprehend it.

"On the street." I stiffened, so that's where he had gone.

He snuggled his nose deeper into my hair. I could feel his unspoken question; "Did I do something wrong?"

I relaxed, melting into his hold, his grip tightened. It was then that I knew that I had contacted his inner dominate side. The drugs probably pushed down the experiences that usually blocked it.

"Matt, I want you to take me to the bedroom," I whispered in a needy tone, "and help me with a little problem…" removing myself from the crook of his neck, I reached up and pulled off his goggles.

His eyes were a deep, but still bright, shade of emerald green. His pupils were dilated, confirming his drug use, and stopping any real emotions from being seen.

Trailing my fingers down from his temple to his belt, I spoke in a seductive tone, "then let me help you."

His breathing hitched, and then he spun me around and began to give me gentle pushes towards our room. He silently reached over my shoulder to pull the knob. On the way to the door, his mouth had found a place on the back of my neck to kiss and suck. I let out a breathy moan to please him, I know it did because Matt grinded against me and released his own groan.

After opening the door, he pushed me onto the bed. My own arms pinned underneath my chest. Matt sat on my ass, legs on either side of me; I could clearly feel his erection. He reached under me, not releasing my arms from their prison, to undo my vest and somehow pull it off. I felt his bare chest against my back. When I turned to look at him through the mirror, he had covered my eyes.

"You aren't allowed to stare." He whispered in my ear.

"Never," I replied.

He removed his hand and I only allowed myself to glance at the mirror. But I had seen all I needed to.

"You can look…" his voice trembled a little, "I want to know if you still want me after."

He got off me and stood in front of the mirror. I moved, and sat up.

His body was… scarred, disfigured. Under the scars I could see the pale skin was once smooth. There were marks; from lashings it looked like. I couldn't help it, I reached up and ran a finger down one; he shivered. Hesitantly, I leaned forwards and licked one; he jumped and turned around. I looked over his front. He had a circular scar on his stomach; I wasn't sure what it was from. More disfigurements from lashings were on his chest. And though his face was blank, his eyes held hope. He hoped I accepted him, it was progress at least. I ran my hands down his torso and his blank expression changed to one of surprise.

"You… don't mind?" Matt whispered, apparently thinking if he spoke too loud I would change my mind.

"I like it," I replied, leaning down to lick his nipple. "I still have a small little problem."

I looked up at him, and he responded with a relieved smile. He leaned down to my ear.

"Maybe later, Piss Kit."

_PISS KIT! This kid is screwed…_

~Matt's POV~

* * *

"_Where am I going?" I looked up at my father, who smiled; though it never reached his eyes._

"_We're going… on a scavenger hunt." His voice faded, and so did his face. It faded into black, and the next thing to torment me was the forest._

_I was running, tears streaking my face. I shrieked as branches left cuts on my arms and face that would scar. I ran as fast as I could and came upon a shore._

_Blood, it was everywhere. It was on my face, on my hands. Was my hair red naturally? Or was it because of the blood?_

_Orange… I reached out and took the goggles. They were orange, not red._

_I screamed as hands pulled me away from the man's mangled corpse._

"_A devil child?"_

_A woman's scream vibrated through the air. "Matt! OH God that dreaded thing killed him!"_

_I wailed, becoming dizzy as a needle pierced my wrist. My wailing died down as two hands rubbed my wrists and my neck._

* * *

I hissed out my breath as I sat up. I looked over at the blonde beside me, sighing to relax my heart beat. I slipped out of the bed and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Why did Mello have such a thing? The blonde did like to look at himself…

Messy red hair and awkward orange goggles, I shivered. I could still remember the blood that had stained my skin for so long. Though Mello may not realize it, I hate it when he calls me 'blood pup'. It made me remember and I didn't want to remember; only forget.

I stood up, shaking, and tried to push back the memories. The blood, the forest, I just wanted to remember the needle, the lithium. It had made me feel so… empty. I'd rather feel empty than to feel the blood running through my fingers.

I silently opened the door before closing it just as quietly. I wished I was back with Bullet at that moment. He had my special cigarettes. The cigarettes with a small dose of my favorite drug, the infamous lithium; I craved it badly.

I reached into my back pocket and pulled money. Some I had earned and some had been given to me. I counted it. Good, it was enough for several shots of lithium, and fags.

With that I set out. Maybe I'd cook later if I felt better. Something to ease Mello's suspicions perhaps.

* * *

**A/N= Can anyone guess what Matt's circular scar was from? *evil smile* Yes, I'm being real mean to our Matty…**


	8. Anthem Of The Angels

**Author's Note= Okay, Chapter 8. Dear lord, My plot is so out-of-control it's in-control… Okay, not in this chapter, I still have my head in chapter 12… Which is good, right? Means I won't be stopping anytime soon. And I love all my reviewers =P, I do, very dearly, it makes me smile whenever I get a review =). Sorry if this chapter is short =/**

**Song for This Chapter= Anthem Of The Angels- Breaking Benjamin**

Mello's POV

* * *

I had to admit, I could be a bitch when I wanted to be. And I wanted to.

Matt's comment had tipped me off to two things; the fact that Matt didn't like (that was probably an understatement) to be called 'blood pup', and second, he had things he'd rather forget. Things that were deeper than just Bullet. But I could think about that later.

I smirked, amused at Matt. Ever since I told him that I'd seen his scars, our love life (or at least mine) had been much easier. Other than the fact that for a week after I had told him (once he sobered up, of course) he hadn't talked to me or let me get even remotely close to him. But I'd helped him get over it with some bribing (or threatening, whichever you prefer) and my mouth.

Now I'd gotten him into a maid's outfit. I was showing him his options, and enjoying it too. I'd been inside the hacker once, and now that he was here in that outfit, I planned to do it again. But as if reading my mind, Matt glared. I could see since he was no longer allowed to wear his goggles when alone with me.

"You're not getting it in my ass." I smirked, the silent question hung in the air; 'ready to get dominant?' This time around, Matt seemed to have come to a decision.

"Okay, Mello. We'll do this _my_ way," finally, "I'm going to take off this dress, then you're gonna put it on." My smirk dissolved, Matt wore his own. I'd never seen the hacker smirk, _ever_. Until now, that is.

"Then we'll take a walk around base." My jaw dropped.

I was about to protest, but the smart-ass gamer had already disappeared into the washroom.

"Mellllooo~" he sung from the other room. I glared holes (yes, holes, get over it) into his grinning face that had peaked out from behind the door.

I stalked into the washroom, only to be bent over the sink. I groaned as he pressed himself against me.

He's been experimenting lately; usually it consisted of humping me around base. It meant he was getting bolder, bold enough to sit on my spot on the couch, and then pull me into his lap as I was yelling at him.

"Pay attention to me," Matt bit down on my neck. I groaned.

Another thing, he liked to be was the center of my attention, which often led to sexual acts to please me so that I'd give him affection. Affection; Matt couldn't get enough of it, and when I didn't give it to him, he'd look at me with a damned puppy look. Then he'd sulk and go back into submission because he thought he'd done something wrong.

I felt his weight lift off me; looks like I hurt his feelings, damned insecurities. I grabbed his sleeve before he could leave and he stopped but didn't look at me. I decided to give him some attention.

"Sorry, love," I knew he liked it when I called him that.

"Put on the dress." His voice was quiet but firm; I'd leave him to warm up.

Matt didn't get 'hot', he got cold. So I always waited for him to 'warm up' rather than 'cool down'. So I set to work and put on the maid's outfit.

I walked out and was about to give a little bow, but Matt wasn't there, I pouted. Where the hell was he? He's said he wanted me in the dress. I sighed, time to go to backup plan, making our Matty jealous. I walked out of the room and into the main room. I got lots of stares as I went, yes, I'm just that sexy.

The outfit was short; the skirt about mid-thigh, I wore a garner on my left thigh, and had stockings on that ended just above my knees, leaving some thigh visible. The top was separate too, revealing my midriff.

I sat down on my section of the couch, crossing my legs and leaning back

"Have you seen Matt, Rod?" I asked casually, as though I weren't wearing my… revealing attire.

"I thought he was with you," Rod eyed me. "Care to share?"

"He was beginning to dominate. I had him put on the dress, but he wanted me in it, then he disappeared from the room."

"And now I'm back~" sang a voice. Matt's voice in particular.

"Where'd you go?" I asked lazily, crossing my arms over my chest, and trying to look appealing.

"I went… shopping." He had a grin on, I raised an eyebrow.

"What for?"

"Toys," he stated.

He turned and walked in the direction of our room. I got up and followed.

"Toys?" I echoed, letting my curiosity show once we were in our room.

"Yeah, lots of toys."

"How?"

He stayed silent and I changed the subject.

"I wanna see 'em," I paused, sitting on the bed. "And play with them."

Matt, who was standing with the bag, put it down on the nightstand. He began to pull something out. Handcuffs? Oh, getting kinky, are we?

"Take off the dress, keep the garner." Oh, so he likes the garner?

I did as I was told out of sheer curiosity. Once I was left in just the garner, Matt pounced, literally. The redhead knocked me to the bed and bit down on my neck. I moaned loudly, getting aroused. I moved my hand to touch him- well, I tried. I let out a frustrated noise and strained my wrists against the restraints.

"Relax," he murmured as he moved away from me.

Matt got off the bed and returned to the bag. I watched with wide eyes as he pulled out a pink dildo and a cock-ring. I hissed at him as he got back on the bed and placed the cock-ring on. I bit my lip as he pushed the dildo in dry.

"Nnngg… Why dry?" I whined at him.

"Hurts now; feels better later." I guess he spoke from experience.

He was gentle with the thrusts, calmly sitting in between my legs, watching me lazily. Soon enough I was panting, far too hard for my liking.

"Do you want me inside?" he asked quietly, not pausing in his actions.

I nodded eagerly.

"I-I can't," he whispered, still using the dildo.

"Why? Tell me why. I can help, I promise." I said, this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to help him.

"I-I'll hurt you," he seemed to struggle for words. "It's horrible. I'm horrible!"

"No, it's not. What about me? I do it." I said calmly.

He gently removed the dildo.

"No, it's okay when you do it." He turned his back to me.

I instantly realized what he was trying to do as he pushed himself into my lap.

"No, I only want you inside." I said, and he stopped.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that for you." And with that he left.


	9. Fireflies Light Messengers

**Author's Note= Wooo Next chapter! And guess what? After Hack My Heart is complete, I'll probably start another MXM fic called "Smile In Your Sleep". The title IS a song, the info for it is posted in my profile, and the song is "Smile In Your Sleep" by Silverstein if you perhaps want to learn about the nature of the fic. **

**And this is the first chapter from Matt's POV in a while, and I'm not sure how soon another one will be here… BEWARE we've got some serious Lemons, and a rather emo Matt.**

**Song for this Chapter= Fireflies (Light Messengers) by Saosin.**

**Matt's POV**

* * *

Why doesn't he get it? I can't do it! Is that all he wants from me?

I did nothing after I left the room. I just left and went to a place I often went these days, my old apartment, which is where I always find my spot in the closet to sit, where I am now. No good ever comes when I sit here. I just stay. I wish I could stay forever in the safety of my dark abyss. The only downfall is that the memories return; but that's okay, the dark reminds me of when I was numb, when nothing mattered.

I leaned my head back against the wall, sighing. I wondered how long it would be before they found me. Hell, if they even looked for me. I really hoped Mello looked, even if he only wanted a physical relationship, I hope he looked.

I closed my eyes, and laid my head on my knees. I rocked back and forth, beginning to shake as sobs racked through my body. I let out a cry of frustration and no tears came out. This was my definition of crying; still I shouldn't be crying right now.

I jumped as the door opened and revealed Mello. There was something hidden in his eyes as he entered the closet and shut the door, the darkness returning.

"M-Mello?" I was confused. My feelings doubled as I heard shuffling.

I let out a half strangled cry as my shirt was yanked over my head, along with my pants and boxers being pulled off. Before I knew it my hands were also cuffed. Using the very same equipment I used on him earlier, Mello pushed the dildo in dry. I groaned.

"Matt," he whispered pushing his bare body against mine, "now we're reversing roles. I'm the dominate one that wants to be dominated, and you're the submissive who wants to dominate. Understood?"

I nodded, too surprised to do anything else. He thrust the dildo in and out roughly, it was causing me to get hard fast.

"Did… I do it this hard?" I asked, letting out a groan and bucking my hips up as he hit my prostate dead on.

He reached over and picked something up. It was the damn cock ring, and he put it on my shaft.

"You're not gonna get release until you beg to be buried in my ass, got it?" I nodded again.

How could someone so demanding and dominant be dominated? But damn it, he got me good. I hissed out as the pressure built. I just wanted to release so badly. I whined, wishing him to take off the damned ring.

"Just think about it," Mello purred into my ear. "You'd enjoy my tight heat."

I shuddered, my thoughts fueled by the blonds' words. I imagined it, but I'd only ever topped once before.

"Y-yeah," I really couldn't take much more, damn my weak resolve. "I want to be inside."

The thrusting stopped; I almost let out a whine, but held it back. It was when Mello's ass brushed against my dick that I actually did release said whine.

The dildo was removed and I felt empty. I no longer wanted to top.

"W-wait!" I cried; my request pointedly ignored by Mello.

His hand grabbed my shaft, positioning it.

"You already asked, but now you'll have to beg for me to take the ring off." Evil, that's what he was.

He quickly impaled himself. I gasped, he was so damned tight. Evil I tell you!

"Like that?" I only moaned out his name in response.

I wasn't supposed to be enjoying this, but he was so warm. I wanted to stay buried there forever, but he lifted up. I held my breath as he slammed back down and released a moan. I suddenly felt the need to touch him. Touch his hair, touch his body. I tried to break the handcuffs, but it didn't work.

"Nnn… I-I want to touch…" I moaned out, that being my most coherent statement at the moment.

He complied with my request, and removed the cuffs. As soon as that was done, he impaled himself again.

"N-shit." My hands went to his hips; one went lower to grope his ass. I was sly and removed the ring around my length.

"T-that's cheating!" Mello gasped between pants.

I repositioned myself, getting leverage. I thrust my hips up and impaled him. Fuck, I couldn't get enough of him.

One hand stayed on his hip to steady him and the other reached to his head, and turned his face towards me. I kissed him, continuing to thrust into his warm cavity. As he deepened the kiss, I reached around his waist to pump his own length.

I needed more. I thrust my hips faster and tilted to the left a little; recalling from the dildo experience where his prostate was. He hissed out. Still I needed more contact, I was driven by primal need.

"A-ah, Matt! You d-don't have to go s-so fast!" Mello cried out.

I simply bit him on the back of the neck. I was close; I slowed my thrusts, but made them harder and deeper.

"Oh, shit!" Mello was nearly screaming.

He liked it… my confidence grew with this.

"If you're gonna scream, scream out 'Mail'." I whispered.

He nodded faintly. I continued to pound him, suddenly his walls clenched around my shaft.

"Damn it, Mail!" Mello screamed.

His walls constricting around me mixed with the blond angel's scream of my real name pushed me into nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Most people think orgasm is an incredible high and while it is for most people, I'm not most people. To me, it's just as good. It's nothing; it's forgetting.

Mello sighed, and slumped on me. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Mm…" I mumbled, watching the way his blue eyes sparkled in the light-

Wait, I don't remember light.

I sat bolt upright, clutching Mello to my chest possessively.

"Oh? Looks like Matt can fuck pretty well." Mello froze. "Bullet will be happy."

"Paul?" Mello shouted.

Anger was quickly building in the blond; even I could tell that it was.

…

Wait, Bullet? I tensed up and shrunk back into my mental shell.

~Time skip~

I was tense the entire way to the Bl00derz base. I clung to Mello and noticed that he was tense as well. We had redressed; me by myself and him in front of Paul. I'd refused to let anyone but Mello see my scars, so Paul settled.

"I've never noticed these before…" I was snapped out of my own world by Mello's words, which were followed by his finger tracing a scar on my face.

There were a lot of them, all very small and very pale. Another reason I didn't like going outside, if I got tanned (or flushed in this case) they stood out.

"You got them before Whammy's?"

"Yeah…" I nodded.

"I used to live with a priest." Why was he sharing this with me? "I don't expect you to share right now, but some day you _will_." Mello was firm. I watched him.

"Yeah, my mom was real young, like 14. That's what Father Peter said; he said that she asked him to look after me. He did and he taught me a lot. He said that 'homosexuality is a sin punishable by god'. However, now that I look back, he didn't believe it. Father Peter was gay, and the guy who… took his life loved him. There were signs; a bitter smile here, or an off tone there." He shook his head, "then one day I walked in the chapel, and he was just laying there." His face went blank, I understood how he felt.

"There in his own blood, a crucifix in h-his eye. Then he beckoned me towards him. H-he whispered…" He leaned in close to my ear, "'forget what I said. Homosexuality is not a sin; rejecting love is. No go, go and get over it.'"

I said nothing. I mean, damn, what was I supposed to say?

"I-it's okay." He whispered, I wasn't sure who he was comforting, me or himself.

"Hush Mello," I cradled him to my chest, trying to comfort him. "I-I know I'm no good at comforting… I'm j-just too awkward, but I'm gonna try." With that he cried silently. I could feel his tears staining my shirt.

_I'm sorry, Mello. I won't be able to tell you. I won't allow myself to remember. I'm sorry; it's harder than just sex and spilling your guts. You'll have to try harder if you want to hack my heart._


	10. Alibi

**Author's Note= I'm gonna try to catch up to what I've already written. Because I've completed this story! Depending on comments and such, I may change the ending. I've already begun Smile In Your Sleep. I'm not sure if I should post it before or after I'm finished posting all the chapters of Hack My Heart.**

**This chapter is sorta short. And how do people feel about the appearance of Bullet again? My Beta loves his accent; I just had to bring him back. =) And there are more OCs. Tell me, who honestly thought that Paul would betray? I actually never planned for him to betray at first, then I was like "Ah, wtf, why not?" And yeah…**

**I'm up to 23 reviews… =/ I'd like more… I've gotten quite a few favs and alerts, much more than reviews. I is not very happy, but I can't force people to review, I dunno.**

**Song For This Chapter= Alibi by 30 Seconds To Mars**

**Mello's POV**

* * *

How did I get pulled into this?

Why did I just spill my guts to him?

Why is he comforting me?

The tears fell faster, this was too frustrating.

"Why are you doing this?" I shouted at him.

I watched his as his face went blank. The idiot looked like Near. Completely forgetting about our situation, I released my feelings the only way I knew how. I struck, punching Matt squarely in his jaw. I was vaguely aware of the vehicle stopping and the door opening.

"You don't understand! You don't know what it's like to watch the one you love die!"

Matt got out of the vehicle. I followed and saw Bullet standing with two of his men, and Paul.

"I thought I was broken," Matt was bitter.

"Ya' _were_ broken; but I let 'im fix ya'." Bullet's words cut through my anger and straight into me.

Me… Mello. _I'd_ been _used._

I felt my rage dissolve, though it normally would have doubled. I stared, but said nothing.

"What?" Matt was obviously confused; gently rubbing his jaw where I had hit him as he spoke.

"Ya' 'eard meh." Bullet was amused.

He was mocking me and I could do nothing. Although it was apparent that Matt hadn't planned any of this, I couldn't help but feel betrayed by him.

"Ya' both 'ave two choices," Bullet continued, "Cardinal, yer' choices are; take back yer old job, or we give it ta' blondie."

Blondie? I would have been –_should_ have been– angry, but all of my anger drained as soon as it appeared.

"I don't know," the hacker's answer surprised me, he either wanted it or he didn't.

"I know what we need ta' do 'den." Bullet ordered his men to do god knows what.

I wasn't paying attention, I just stared at Matt. He looked torn between relief and horror, but then his face went blank. Defense mechanism, I guess.

Matt and I were led inside the base, we were taken into a room and I was strip searched. The redhead was just padded down. In that moment, I should have envied him, but I was still numb from shock.

So many things had happened in the last forty eight hours. I was still trying to figure out what I had done right to get his dominance out. I kept on thinking these thoughts as we were led down a hallway. I was shoved roughly into a room, looking behind me I saw that Matt was too.

Turning back to assess the room, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Matt passed me and collapsed on the queen sized bed. I sat down on the other side, watching as he pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the night stand drawer.

"Don't get too comfortable. You won't enjoy this bed for much longer," he said in a defeated tone, lighting the cigarette and taking a drag.

I watched him blow out the smoke; he looked exhausted. There was a knock on the door. I froze, and Matt just continued to smoke already on his third cigarette. No, scratch that, fourth. The door opened revealing Bullet and two of his men.

"Is it really good ta' be smokin' wha' ya' found in 'de drawer?" Bullet was smirking, but Matt didn't seem to care.

I stole the pack of cigarettes from him, violently. I pulled one out and examined it. There was white powder in it…

"It's ecstasy." I stared at Matt; who took the pack back and continued smoking.

"Okay, Jackson, Jermane, you take the blond thing." My eye twitched. _Thing?_

Matt chuckled dryly, and I glared at him.

"What?" he sat up, leaning on his elbows.

"You're a bitch," I hissed at him.

"Oh, _damn it,_ Matt!" He impersonated me when I had reached my orgasm, screaming out what had previously been his real name.

I snarled at him before full on attacking him.

"Ah! This must mean I'm good at what I did earlier if you're back for more already." It clicked; if I pushed him at the right time, his sarcastic nature forced him into dominance.

That didn't change the fact that he pissed me off. I pinned his wrists above his head and straddled his waist.

"You're an ass," I growled.

Suddenly, I remembered the others in the room. Bullet was sitting in the chair from the desk across the room from us, watching. Jackson and Jermane were at the foot of the bed; both of the Jamaican men staring at me with lust filled eyes. It was then that I realized that they had a good view of my ass. I leaned down to Matt's ear, licking it as cover.

"What the hell have you gotten me into?" I whispered biting his ear.

"Ah!" Matt whimpered.

"Okay," Bullet stood, as if knowing what I was trying to do, and walked towards us. "It was entertainin' but I 'tink we should show 'de Cardinal 'is options."

Matt froze underneath me, and then I felt hands pulling me off of him.

* * *

**A/N= B'sWN is severly sorry for the shortness. But both her and her Creativity agreed that it was a good place to cut off. O_O So don't murder B'sWN!**


	11. Hey There, Delilah

**Author's Note= The reason that I haven't been updating so much is posted in the AN of the first chapter of SIYS. And I'd like to make a shoutout/thank MXM'sHolic for a wondrous fan-art she drew me for one of Mello's dreams, and for kicking my ass into gear. =) And on a note, I changed it back to the old summary, I think it was more dramatic...**

**Song For This Chapter= Hey There, Delilah by The Plain White T's.**

**Mello's POV**

* * *

Everything hurt; my jaw hurt, my ass hurt, but most of all, my mind hurt.

I was lying naked on my side facing Bullet. Jackson and Jermane had left as soon as they'd finished. What they'd done, I wouldn't say, but I'm sure you can guess. A hand began to rub my back; I flinched away from it.

"Shh, Mello, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Matt's voice was soothing as he continued to rub comforting circles on my back.

How could he know that they wouldn't do it again?

"Don't worry, just close your eyes and take a nap. You'll feel better after, I promise."

Maybe that would be a good idea; I closed my eyes gently.

~Dream~

"_I am L." I stared intently at the black haired teenager with a slumped over posture._

_My eyes widened. My idol was there in the flesh._

"_Please introduce yourselves."_

_My eyes scanned over the other people in the room._

_Old man Watari and Roger were no threat; but the other two orphans were. _

_Looking over I saw a somber redhead whose fingers were twitching; his orange goggles pulled over his eyes. I guess _he_ isn't much of a threat._

_What was his name? Math? No… Matt?_

~End Dream~

"God… shit," I opened my eyes slowly, met with the sight before me.

Matt was forcibly leaned over a chair, hands secured behind his back by one of Bullet's own. Bullet's other hand was on Matt's shoulder, keeping him in place for the rough thrusts.

_What… the fuck?_

"'Ow 'bout it, blood pup?" the hacker visibly winced at the nickname.

"F-fine." Matt stuttered.

"Good," with that Bullet changed the angle of his thrusts until Matt cried out.

Bullet continued to hit the spot until eventually Matt came, spurting all over himself and the chair. Bullet pulled out, not having finished. He let go of Matt, who fell to the floor, and the African gang leader pulled Matt up to face him by the hair, pumping his dick rapidly. Bullet came all over the red head's face.

Once done, he dropped Matt. Before leaving, Bullet threw a few packs of what looked like cigarettes on the desk.

The gamer's body shuddered and convulsed slightly, but he didn't move, though after a while, that too died down.

"You saw it, eh Mello?" the worn out hacker let out a hollow laugh and then sighed.

Slowly, Matt got up.

"Let's have a shower, that's the best thing to do," he said, quietly walking over to me.

I could see that he was bleeding; I could also see bruises forming. I slowly sat up, wincing as my own injuries pained me.

Our shower was quiet, the only sound was of the water hitting the tiles, and neither of us spoke. We silently washed our wounds, providing help to the other when it was needed. We both tenderly got into the queen sized bed, back facing back.

"How?" I whispered shakily.

I had to know- how in the world did he plan on protecting me?

"I just have to do what I used to." his voice held false indifference; I could hear that it was just about to crack with hidden emotions.

"Why?" though I'd never admit it I was touched; the tears running down my cheeks told that story.

"I-I care for you, Mello." now his voice cracked.

"Why?" mine did too.

"...you care too." I froze.

"Get over it," I hissed.

I didn't wait for his reaction, instead I tried to sleep. Surprisingly, it came, but that didn't mean my dreams weren't haunted by memories.

~Dream~

_I narrowed my eyes as the boy in the room across from me left. Why? I wasn't sure, that didn't mean I couldn't guess, or ask –threaten- someone to tell me._

_I watched silently as the redhead walked through the snow, leaving deep imprints in the pure white blanket. It almost seemed as if they would never leave; always there, engraved into the Earth forever._

_But that didn't matter, that kid was crazy. Who leaves in the middle of winter? Seriously, what made the kid think that he would survive the storm? What an insane child to leave when he was still eleven. _February 1st,_ I thought idly, _does that have some sort of significance?

_And though it didn't occur to me that history would repeat itself, it did._

_Only a little over a year later would I end up following those very footsteps; not once thinking of their original owner. Not until six years later. Not until I was able to understand at least _some_ of the small boy's pain._

~End Dream~

I woke up alone; both Matt and his cigarettes were gone. I guessed that meant he was keeping his end of the bargain with Bullet.

Good, this gave me time to think about things.

What could I have possibly done to make him fool himself into thinking I actually _cared_ about him?

_Hmm, let's think Mello. Maybe it's the fact that you _do_ care about him?_

Fuck my thoughts, I _don't_ care about him. I hissed at myself.

I examined the room some more. It was dingy white, with a soft but dirty beige carpet. There were no windows. I'd have to ask Matt about that later. The furniture was simple; there was a desk, a dresser, a bed and a night stand. All made of the same nearly white maple wood. Curious, I walked over to the dresser and opened the first couple of drawers before finally opening the last bottom drawer on the left hand side.

I found an extra pair of jeans there. When I lifted up the jeans to confirm the fact that they were the same as Matt's usual jeans, I noticed another pair tucked underneath. Gently folding the jeans I had in my hands, I put them back into the drawer.

I pulled out the hidden pair; they were a pair of bleached skinny jeans. I could only imagine what Matt would look like in them.

The pale shade of sky blue denim hugging his slim hips, thighs and calves, I _had_ to get him into these.

"Heh," my head snapped in the direction of the sound.

Bullet was standing in the doorway, an amused smirk on his lips.

"What do you want?" I spat, and as an afterthought I added, "and where's Matt?"

"Th' cardinal is takin' care o' some… business. Don't ya' tink' e' oughta' wear it?"

I nodded in agreement to his last point.

"What is this 'business' he's 'taking care of'?" I demanded.

"Wanna' see?" I stared at Bullet, who was smirking and nodded.

Bullet left the room and I followed him. I memorized the route we were taking. The gang leader led me to what I recognized as the main room in The Bl00derz head quarters.

"What the fuck are you doing, Matt?"


	12. I Keep My Secrets Safe

**Author's Note= This MAY be the last chapter of the summer. I have a music camp from the 22 to the 28 and then FanExpo on the 29 of August. So, yeah. And Section 23 is a real program. Only it's a special school program for people with social anxiety. But in this case, it's something much more evil.**

**And tragically, it seems as though the whole "Lambent Penumbra" thing is making its way to my stories. I received a not too nice review for my "Cross Me Off Your List" songfic and he/she/it reported it. So, I'll admit, this is just weird, "song lyrics are not allowed"? I wasn't aware, but I'm not going to just take down all my songfics. And plus, that one was a wedding gift, god, he/she/it must have issues.**

**Song For This Chapter= I Keep My Secrets Safe by Saosin.**

Mello's POV

* * *

What the hell is this kid thinking? Does he even know how many STDs these guys could have?

"Oh- Mello! Why are you here?" he was panting, the guy named Jermane allowed the kneeling redhead to talk.

Currently, Matt was on his hands and knees, Jackson fucking his ass and Jermane his face. After his statement the naked hacker went back to sucking Jermane's dick. Jermaine was sitting down in front of Matt. From my experience, he was the nicest of Bullet's men, at least trying to care for his victim's pleasure.

Bullet cleared his throat and Jackson paused, but Matt didn't. Bullet gave Jackson a look and the younger man used one hand to pump Matt's neglected member. The simple action caused Matt to temporarily let Jermane's length fall from his mouth to cry out.

So Bullet wanted his 'cardinal' to enjoy himself.

I couldn't watch it any longer. I turned and let my memory guide me back to the room.

Once inside the room, I began to scheme. I just needed to make the hacker pay for engraving that image into my brain. I went back to the dresser, and opening another drawer I found shirts. All striped- no, wait, there was a neon pink one. I picked it up, in the middle it read 'Pink is the new black. And I am the new shit'. I smirked before laying it with the skinny jeans. Searching through the drawers, I also found a pair of nice tighty-whities among the game themed boxers. I placed it all in a neat pile, and carried it to the attached bathroom, laying them beside the sink.

I lay down on the bed, sighing. Deciding to look for some PJs, I went through the drawer that I remembered to have contained said clothes. I found a pair of black caprice sweat pants, but decided that I'd save them for Matt. After a little more searching I found a plank pair of lime green sweat pants. I pulled off my leather vest and pants, slipping on the comfortable attire.

I lie in the middle of the bed on my side, watching the door. My cheek rested on my palm and my other hand was on my hip. I waited.

Soon enough I heard footsteps echo down the hall. The door opened with a slight creak and revealed the worn red head.

"So, Matt," I began, said gamer stared at me before walking over and sitting on the bed.

"What do you want, Mello?" Matt's voice was hoarse, and he was stupid enough to lights a cigarette.

"I want to know."

"Know what?"

"You know."

"Know what?"

"Stop stalling and tell me." my agitation grew.

"Stalling? I'm not stalling."

"Don't act innocent!"

"I'm not the one that acts innocent."

"Then who does?" I ask. We're getting off track now…

"You do."

"What?"

"You do, Mello."

"No, I don't, idiot."

"You do, and then you turn around and try to seduce me," he spat. Okay, he got me there.

"Don't change the subject!"

"What was the old subject?" Damn it, I was getting angry.

"It wa-"

"What are your favorite subjects?"

"Math, history and geography." … That was an automatic response…

"Ew, those are all boring subjects."

"They are not! Then what are your favorite subjects, Matt?" Getting off topic again…

"Computers and art."

"Ooo, artsy Matt?"

"It's better than history."

"You sound like Linda."

"It's better than sounding like Roger."

He didn't.

"I do not! You faggot!"

"If I'm a faggot, what are you?"

Matt was laughing by now; so was I.

Matt crawled over to me, cigarettes and goggles long forgotten. I allowed him to crawl in between my legs which had previously been crossed. His head rested on my stomach, he let his tongue peak out from between his soft lips. The wet muscle caressed my belly buttons.

I sighed; he had managed to divert my attention so easily. I guess he really didn't want to talk about himself.

"Can you tell me anything?" I whispered, cradling his head.

"No." his voice was just as quiet as mine, but his tone was gentler than mine.

"Why not?"

"I just want to forget."

"Can I ask you what different scars are from?"

"Okay." He sat up straight and pulled off his shirt. After he slumped in on himself self consciously, a cute blush formed on his face.

"The one on your stomach," I pointed to the unknown circular scar beside his belly button.

"They put a stomach tube in while I was at Section 23," he looked down. "Please no more."

"Okay, Matt, thank you." I pulled his bare body against my own.

"You just keep those secrets safe," I whispered in his ear. "Keep mine too."


	13. Pretty Rave Girl

**Author's Note= I'M ALIVE! Hello… ^^ Now, this chapter wasn't beta's by Liarsenic, I was a little impatient for her reply, so mistakes are my fault, Please point them out to me, and I'll see that they are fixed as soon as possible ^^**

**Okay, I didn't put this in last chapter, but there's fanart! My lovely wife MXMsHolic drew some for Mello's dream last chapter. ^^**

**http:/ mxmsholic. deviantart. com/ gallery/# /d2uiwlw**

**Remove the spaces ^^**

**I'd just like to say this has to be one of my favorite chapters, not my absolute favorite, but one of them. =D Enjoy, I hope to update the next chapter soon, and vote on my poll, it's about the _pre_quel! ^^**

**Song For This Chapter= Pretty Rave Girl by The Medic Droid**

**Matt's POV**

* * *

I was shocked with myself. I had told Mello exactly what he's wanted to hear. My thoughts were put to rest as Mello licked at my neck, and I moaned when he nuzzled the space behind my ear softly.

"Sorry." I whispered, knowing that I wouldn't be able to help him; but seeing as he was in such a good mood, I decided to ask him some things.

"Mello?"

"What is it, Matt?" the blonde replied, head on my shoulder.

"Remember Wammy's?" No answer. So I continued. "Why were you so mean?"

I wrinkled my nose at him, and he chuckled.

"I guess I'm just a bad see. I have a question for you." I nodded, though I was starting to really hate this position; I couldn't see his expression. But then again, he couldn't see mine either.

"Why did you leave Wammy's?"

"Why did you?" Automatic hostility mode.

"L died." He stated, ignoring my defensiveness. "Your turn."

I looked away even though I hadn't been looking at him.

"Come on, Matty, it can't be that bad." Wrong.

"I-my…" How did I explain this? "Nothing."

"You just left?"

"Yes."

"In the middle of a snow storm?"

"Yes." He didn't believe me.

"Liar." Confirmed.

"Who said I wasn't?"

I froze, hearing footsteps coming.

I pushed Mello away from me, and by the look of hurt on his face it's obvious that he doesn't hear them coming. He glares at me, but jumps when the door opens revealing Jermane.

I respected Jermane; he wasn't too bad of a guy, guiltlessness aside. He was always the one sent to fetch me, being Bullet's most trusted. It made sense that Bullet would trust his younger brother.

The younger sibling hardly ever spoke, but was firm in his ways. I had Jermane to thank for me position in the gang.

Knowing what to do, I got off the bed and entered the on sit washroom. I was mildly surprised to find clothes there; I sighed and put them on. As I was struggling to get the skinny jeans on, I let my thoughts drift again.

Jermane had been the one to 'break me in' for Bullet. He had taught me how to take care of myself after a too-rough night. He had trained me to blow, and numerous other things useful in my 'line of work'. He had introduced me to Bullet, who at the time already had another whore. A woman with dyed red hair and brown eyes, she hadn't thought of me as a threat. Not until it was too late.

_~Flashback~_

_I looked at Jermane._

_So I was gonna be the real deal now?_

_Then I looked back at the two people in front of us._

_A dark skinned man, and a woman with red hair, and here I thought I was the only one with natural red hair like- wait, never mind. I could see brown roots. She dismissed me without a second glance._

"_It's all natural." I hear Jermane speak._

_He fisted my hair, pushing my pale body on my knees. He pulled my hair to show more of it to his older brother, and gang leader, Bullet._

"_Dat's not possible." Bullet's heavy Jamaican accent spoke._

_Moments later, I could feel Jermane's fingers being replaced by a larger hand. The hand combed through my hair, I found that I liked the sensation, unconsciously leaning into the touch._

"_You do know that he is a boy." I lifted my head timidly, looking at the woman, who was looking at me, well more like glaring at me._

"_Stand up." At Bullet's words, Jermane dragged me to my feet._

_He was given a nod from his older sibling and pulled my black and white striped shirt off._

"_If it's natural, 'den 'e should 'ave de' same color down 'dere." Jermane nodded at Bullet, and motioned for me to take off my last articles of clothing. After removing my pants and boxers, I waited silently._

"_Let's see 'ow responsive 'e is." Bullet was staring at my body, Jermane had said that this would happen, but I was still uncomfortable._

_Bullet went and laid down on the couch, the room was empty, and I knew what was expected of me._

_I went over to the leader and sat on my knees beside the couch. I timidly reached over and undid his belt, he slapped my ass and I guessed that it was encouragement. I pulled out his member and began with a hand job to harden it._

_It worked, and he quickly became aroused. I was timid again as I went to lick his dick. I yelped, startled, as the older man grabbed my ass and pulled my body on top of his. I wasn't hard, but I was getting aroused as he licked and touched my thighs._

_Ripping my focus away from the sensations as Jermane had taught me to I slowly took him in my mouth. As I bobbed my head, it became difficult to ignore how Bullet was touching me; his hand lightly gliding across my half-hard length. He squeezed my shaft and I could help the groan that vibrated around his arousal that was in my mouth. He seemed pleased with my achingly hard state, and spread my legs, one on either side on his head, and I continued my attempt at ignoring him._

_I moaned loudly releasing his length from my mouth as my own shaft was taken in by him. Bullet set a quick pace, bobbing his head and swirling his tongue. I barely noticed the three fingers that roughly penetrated my anus. He thrust them in and out, stretching me, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the mouth on my dick._

_I could feel it getting close. The black nothingness I loved._

_~End~_

After the jeans were on, since I took a long time (there's a reason I never wear clothes this tight…), I pulled on the neon pink shirt and left the washroom.

I found Mello curled on the bed under the covers, shooting glares at Jermane. I chuckled at the blonde. He turned his glare on me, then he gave me a once over.

"Not bad when you clean up, Matty."

"Oh, so now we're on a nickname basis, _Mels_?" I saw the glint of amusement in his eyes and the upwards twitch of his lips. It was all I needed to remember. "Don't miss me too much." I blew him a kiss, running out of the room before he hurt me in any form.

I quietly followed Jermane; he led me to the usual place, the main room. When we entered, Bullet grinned at my attire, motioning me over towards him. I gave a nod of thanks to Jermane before sitting beside Bullet. He lit me a cigarette and I leaned back against him.

He had a gun on his waistband, looking from it I glanced at Paul. I could tell that Mello had trusted him (or at least as much as Mello could). I reached over and casually pulled the gun out.

All the men who had been in the gang when I had first came; the "Veterans" I called them, watched content. I did this often, sometimes I shot a traitor; I happened to be good at spotting them.

The n00bs however, stared at me with horror, obviously thinking that Bullet would get pissed at me, but he, like the Veterans, watched amused. I pretend aimed it at a n00b and watched as his hand went to his own new gun holster.

"Don' bodder'. Ya' shoot 'im an' yer dead. Now stop playin', Cardinal." Bullet didn't like the idea of someone pointing a gun at me (I seemed to be _that_ special).

So I lowered the gun. Then with the flick of my wrist, I shot Paul in the shoulder and Jackson in the stomach.

"Paul is stealing money and…" I tried to think of good reasons to have shot Jackson. "I don't like Jackson."

"So ya' shot 'im?" Bullet shook his head as if disappointed but his smile gave him away. "And 'dere I t'ought ya' 'ad no sin. Looks like ya' 'ave Wrath."

I smiled cheekily, returning Bullet's gun before leaning back, arms crossed over my chest.

Seconds later, gun shots rung throughout the room.


	14. Whispers In The Dark

**Author's Note= Wow, I apologize to my wife, this is couple weeks late . I'm sorry! But, yeah, #14! It's coming down =D I plan to update Smile In Your Sleep soon as well, and Abandoned Driveways… Yes, that will be done shortly. ^^ And I've got a few new fics coming out, my progress is all recording on my dA, and I've ranted about enough, so here you are. ^^**

**Song For This Chapter= Whispers In The Dark by Skillet**

**Matt's POV**

* * *

I watched completely unfazed as Jackson shot Paul a few times in the stomach. I took a drag off my cigarette, and thought about Mello. What would he think of this side of me?

I felt Bullet's hand on the back of my head, pushing it towards his crotch. I took my cigarette and stubbed it out as I undid his belt. This was Bullet's was of confirming my status as his plaything.

I went into autopilot. And, Dear Zelda, was it sour; but I swallowed it all.

I haven't thought about Zelda since this whole thing started; speaking of games, I missed mine.

I sighed out loud, drawing the attention of Bullet. I shook my head to indicate that it was nothing.

I reclined fully and wondered what Mello was doing.

~Time Skip~

I silently opened the door to my room. Mello was siting on the bed, back facing me. I prayed that Mello hadn't heard the shots.

"Mello?" I asked quietly.

"Matt, can I ask about another one?"

"Okay." I hadn't really been surprised at the question, and pulled my shirt over my head.

He was judging me again. He always did, judged my reactions. It disturbed me. I just didn't like it, it made me feel like an experiment.

"The ones on your face." I hadn't realized that he had walked up to me until his hand touched my face.

I flinched backwards, but he held onto my face.

"Matt?" I refocused on Mello, who was staring at me with such intensity that half of me wanted to run, the other half wanted to kiss him. I settled in the middle and shuffled and averted my eyes.

"I… ran through the forest when I was younger."

"Why?" Yes, why? Why must he pry?

"I was scared." I stated blankly.

"Of?"

"Why do you pry?" I hissed.

"I told you everything." He let his eyes burn the fact into my damned soul, or at least what was left of it.

He had a point, and I gave in.

"I-I was running… away."

"From?"

"A man… a very bad man." I whispered.

"I have another question." Mello's voice was soft, his eyes focused on my lips instead of my eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you trust me?"

"What reason have you given me?"

"I've never hurt you."

"You have." Mello looked surprised at my statement.

He sighed, "You're hopeless."

I smiled a broken one "Yeah, I am."

He glared at me, before tackling me. "I wasn't serious."

I hissed when he bit down on my neck.

"I don't want to be true anymore." I whispered.

"I don't either." He replied into my collarbone.

If I didn't gather the urge now, I never would.

"Mello?"

"Yes, Matt?"

"D-do you," I decided against it after all. Looks like it would go unsaid. "Nevermind."

"Okay." So when I wanted him to pry, he didn't.

I sighed, letting my body relax.

"Don't worry, Mello. I'll get us out of here."

But the blonde's steady breathing told me that he was too far gone to hear me. I shut my eyes and let sleep take my mind.

I sighed quietly.

"Matt." I nearly jumped, having forgotten about the blonde who was laying on my chest.

"Matt, you know. I'm going to tell you something but you can't laugh." I looked at Mello oddly.

"How would I laugh? Everyone knows that it's suicidal to laugh at a Mello." I grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes and shifted his position so he could see me better.

"This is serious." His face confirmed this. "I'll admit what you want to hear. I… do care about you."

I looked at Mello, shocked. Why was he saying this to me?

But I ignored my nagging doubt and leaned forwards to kiss him.

"Well, I 'care' about you too." I grinned again.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Mello hissed at me; I just raised my eyebrows at him.

"Anyway," he said calming down. "Don't worry, Matt. I'll take care of getting us out of here."

I stared. He had heard me?

He just leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips; I melted into it.

God, Mello could be so affectionate sometimes. I'd have to find a way to entice this Mello out more often.


	15. Move Along

**Author's Note: So, it's been a fairly long while. The kitty on my lap who didn't like my typing says hi to everyone =)**

**It's Winter Break, so I hope to get a lot of things updated. As you all (if you actually read my ANs) may have heard, I already have this one completed.**

**While I was typing up the end of this chapter, I realized, what if the sequel was an identical fic about what could have happened if they had ever talked to each other even a few times back at Wammy's. Tell me your opinion in a review, it would start earlier than this one did, and probably end later as well (since this was my first fic, and while writing it I was still a litle shaky with it, I'll admit) with some new twist that I'm already plotting . ^_^ **

**But, yeah, I'm looking forwards to some lovely reviews. ^^**

**Song For This Chapter= Move Along by The All-American Rejects**

**Mello's POV**

* * *

I was fully aware that I had to get me and Matt out of there before he fell back into his old ways too much. I didn't ask him about the gun-shots I'd heard earlier, I had a feeling he didn't want to talk about it, that he didn't want me to know.

I'd just leave it, we had been making good progress lately.

I glanced down at Matt, who was using my thigh as a pillow. He looked so cute; clutching my leg as though it would vanish if he didn't.

Well, I probably would have left to fulfill my promise if he hadn't been clinging to me like that. I still was going to do it. Even if he was clinging on to me.

I didn't need to just get _him_ out, I needed to get myself out. I was so bored, and Near was getting ahead of me.

"Matt, get off me, I need to take a shower!" I pushed the hacker off of me, and he landed on the floor with a thud.

"Nng?" I laughed at him.

He was on all fours, his head turned towards me blindly, eyes only half open, sleepiness still evident. His red hair arranged in some serious bed head, his mouth open slightly.

"Shower." I stated in a bored fashion.

I got off the bed and walked into the bathroom. Shutting the door, I sighed quietly. Glancing around the dirty restroom, I missed my old room more than ever. I needed to lay out some plans, get things arranged.

But how would I do it?

I already knew that I had to act soon, the only question was whether I should do it drastically or discreetly. Considering my options, I decided on discreetly.

I'd have to get Bullet's trust first. But that meant betraying Matt in a way.

It couldn't be helped I guess. Matt was probably going to gate me for a while, but he'd come to see that it had been for the best. I guess I'd tell him about my plan.

Actually, nevermind, that's a bad idea.

Matt was too honest under lithium (which he was almost always on now), if I recall correctly. I groaned, I'd have a lot of pressure, but I'd always worked best like that.

I went over to the dingy shower and turned it on, making it too hot as usual. I stepped in and began planning.

The best strategy would be to get into Matt's position. He had Bullet's complete trust. I wished that I could just have the gamer do it himself, but he was still incomplete, he was still very vulnerable, and Bullet probably knew how to push his buttons better than I did. Therefore, that option was out; not to mention Jermane. I could see that Matt and the silent dark skinned man had a history. I wasn't sure what that history consisted of, but I'm sure it meant something to Matt.

I turned off the water and left the shower. Looking around the small room, I realized that I didn't have towel. Deciding to flaunt what I had, I left the washroom naked.

"Matt, wher-" I froze, looking at Jermane who just stared at me.

"Oh1 Towels…" Ripping my gaze away from the Jamaican man, I looked at Matt who was looking though the drawers in his dresser. Stripes flew everywhere as he looked.

"Found it!" he cried happily.

Again with the fake happiness, he must be on a stronger dose of lithium now.

He threw a towel at me. A green towel. A _neon_ green towel. I raised an eyebrow at him after I'd caught it.

The red head only shrugged; waving as he left the room with Jermane following.

I had to move now.

"Wait!" he froze, I could almost feel his dread building.

He turned to me, eyes begging me not to say what I was about to. So Matt _could_ read me. Maybe he wouldn't be as hurt then.

"I'll come too." Matt's eyes got bigger, he looked horrified. Cute, but horrified.

Jermane said nothing, just nodded and motioned for me to get dressed.

I pulled on my leather, half hoping to be found unattractive, half hoping to be more attractive than Matt.

Once dressed, I followed Matt down the corridor, Jermane following me. When we arrived in the main room, I wondered why Matt's room was so cheap in comparison to the lounge.

"Oh? Brought a friend?" Bullet teased Matt, looking me up and down.

Matt didn't say anything.

"Why don' ya' come over 'ere, blondie? We 'ave a job fer Cardinal."

This man _did_ know we had names, right?

But I did as was asked, passing by Matt who was stiff as a board.

I hoped he'd forgive for this.

I went and sat beside Bullet, swallowing the urge to grab him and kill him with his own gun. It was hard, but I'm Mello, I'm fucking amazing, get over it.

I leaned back against him, Matt still gaping at me.

"Here. Hack 'dis." That was the first time I had heard Jermane speak.

He still had a Jamaican accent, but it was nowhere as heavy as Bullet's. Maybe they were related?

Matt sat on the couch next to me, laptop in his lap. He began to type fast.

His fingers danced along the keys; it let you know that this was his domain. He was so absorbed in this work, completely oblivious to everything. His anger or annoyance or jealously from before gone.

I had to say, it was funny to see the lazy gamer so focused on anything. At Wammy's, I'd heard that he had played video games all the time, but I hadn't cared then.

I didn't get it, why had we never talked before?

We could have avoided all this. I could have _known_ Matt. No, I could have known _Mail_. I could have known his past. I could have had his friendship and companionship through all of my lonely years. I could have loved and had his love when I had felt down. I could have been there to stop his fall. To stop him from getting to where he is now; I could have supported him.

I could have had all the things I want now.

I could have had him help me catch Kira, I could have known his past, but most of all, I could have had his trust.

But that didn't matter.

I'd have all those things eventually.


	16. Nervous Breakdown

**Author's Note= The Parts that are in italic are important! The rest is just my rant ^^"  
**

**=O Oh my lord, she's alive! ^^" Yeah, sorry about the wait, it's not acceptable. =/ But yeah, here's the 16th chapter. There is one more after this one, then the Epilogue, which I may or may not include, I'm not sure I really like it anymore... The sequel hasn't been started yet because I've been busy writing my own original fiction. Sorry, about that, but yeah. ^^"**

_**We have good news =3, over 10,000 hits! My lord, thank you to everyone. I have decided that I'm going to do a one-shot to celebrate that this has reached over 10,000. Please submit your ideas in reviews, even if it's just a word of inspiration, a kink, a pairing, or something specific you'd like to see. ^^**_

_**Also, if this reaches 100 reviews, then I will write something for that as well. Same if we get onto 15,000 hits and going up by 5000 each time. So even if you've reviewed with one idea and come up with another one, feel free to spam me with reviews. If you don't want to review it, and feel better about it, PM me about your idea. ^^**_

**But yeah, thank you to everyone who has reveiwed or favorited. 10,342 hits and 72 reviews. ^^**

**Lord, long AN is long. O.O**

**Song For This Chapter= Nervous Breakdown by Hawthorne Heights**

**Matt's POV**

* * *

What the hell was Mello thinking? Well, I knew what he was thinking; but it was ridiculous. Why couldn't he just stand back, and let me handle this? I was in the perfect position to get rid of Bullet. And I would.

Everything was perfect; here I stood, with Bullet staring down the barrel of _my_ gun.

"Are ya' really considerin' try'na' shoot meh'?" Bullet had a smirk on.

"Yes! You need to let Mello and me go!" my voice wavered in ways I didn't want it to.

"An' yer' gonna try ta' use t'at ta' make meh' let'cha go?"

"Yes!" I was beginning to doubt myself.

No! I couldn't doubt myself; I fired a warning shot into the wall behind Bullet. I winced, feeling panic setting in.

"Ya' won' shoot; the sound freaks ya' out." I trembled; he was right. "If ya' put it down, I'll give ya' another chance ta' make it up to me."

My hands trembled and I dropped the weapon by accident. I froze, now unarmed.

I bowed my head and dropped to my knees in defeat; showing my acceptance of the punishment.

I'd had my plan in action for several days, it had been working exactly the way I had predicted. Matt was now more of a hacker now, The Bl00derz took full advantage of his talents. Apparently I was preferred as an ornament because I was more provocative.

I sighed, plopping down on the bed. Matt was on the other side, sleeping. Or, well, he had been sleeping, now he was awake. I knew because his breathing was slow and deep, how someone would breathe when they were asleep. If that someone wasn't Matt, the gamer always took quick shallow breaths when he slept, as if he was having a nightmare; I didn't know exactly why.

Though, over these past few days I had learned that the only thing that eased Matt's hate, was the thing he loved to receive from me. I swear, affection was the key to everything when it came to Matt.

So I crawled over to Matt and snuggled my head into the place where his neck and his shoulder met.

"Did something happen?" he asked, giving up his façade of sleep.

"Does something need to happen for me to cuddle with you?" I pouted.

"… No…" He surrendered to the part of himself that craved my attention and affection.

He gently turned over to face me. He didn't have his goggles on, so his eyes burned into my own. His red hair was in disarray as usual. I snuggled close to his Adam's apple, rubbing it with my nose, knowing that it aroused him.

"Doesn't your ass hurt?" he was confused, and now I was too.

"No… why would it hurt?"

"Because it's been getting pounded in by Bullet?" Oh…

"No… it doesn't." after I spoke, he stiffened.

"…" he stayed silent, I assumed that meant he was upset.

"Matt?" More silence. "Matty?" I whispered, trying to coax him.

"Don't call me that." He grunted.

"Mail…"

"… Yes?" Bingo.

"Don't be mad. It's for both our goods, okay?"

"… okay." He whispered and kissed my hair.

I think he wanted to believe me. Wanted to believe that I wasn't betraying him, that I really had no intention to hurt him, and all intentions to help him.

That was only half true.

I did mean well, for the most part anyway. The other half of me wanted to see him break again. See what Bullet found so entertaining about playing with Matt's sanity. And I was beginning to understand.

Matt was 'easy' for Bullet to read. And that was probably Matt's intention. Or had been; because I'm sure that at some point, Matt had partially merged with the side he had 'created'. Changing his personality and rearranging his thoughts and priorities. Overall messing him up; breaking him, making him so confused that the 'new Matt' he had created for Bullet ruled over the 'old Matt'.

How did I know? That's what happens at Wammy's; it's happened to everyone. And I was beginning to think that the 'new Matt' was actually a part of the 'old Mail'.

This diverted all Matt's previous emotional and mental progress that Wammy's had given him, also bringing back memories of his childhood.

I didn't need this right now, no, I needed to get out of here, and quickly.


	17. Get Out Alive

**Author's Note= Um, can you say "LATE" a little louder? . My lord, shit, how lon has it been? Way too long? Yeah. But here it is, finally, and I can promise you, that the epilogue, will now, I repeat _will not,_ take this long to get out. Why? You ask, because it's been typed up and ready to go for some time now.**

**Time to talk sequels, hiatus and crap like that. **

**The sequel, Manipulate My Mind (title is up for change) will be _started_ after the completion of my other fics, Nervous Breakdown, Magnificent Masquerade (Co-authored with ThatJeevasFanChick), the typing up of the remainder of Smile In Your Sleep, and _maybe_ The Burn Of Autumn Reds as well as the sequel to SIYS, It's The Way.**

**Now let's talk hiatus. I've been on official hiatus for about a week, and I'm already sick of it. I think with enough drive to finish that giant list up there, one fic at a time, I can do it. Once I have proper time to sit down and write, that is. So, give or take a week, about a month more of this 'hiatus' of mine. During this time, you'll be getting Magnificent Masquerade updates, and the other two chapters of Nervous Breakdown which is posted on MB.**

**For updates, and daily drabbles, I've made myself a handy little blog=**

**www(dot)nicotineuke(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I think you've got the idea. And with that, this... big-ass AN is over. And here you are, the last chapter before the epilogue, depending on feeback, expect the epilogue anywhere from tomorrow to next Thursday.**

**Song For This Chapter= Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace**

* * *

~Mello's POV~

Everything was in place. Now it was time.

"Good night, Matt." I whispered to him.

"Night, Mello." He yawned before falling to sleep.

I just hoped that he'd stay asleep.

~Matt's POV~

I jolted up, looking around; I didn't see Mello. I panicked, jumping off the bed I ran out of the room; I threw open the door to the main room.

My eyes widened.

Blood. There was so much of it. It was everywhere.

Death. It was there too. Bullet, Jermane, Paul. They were all dead; shot.

I did the only thing I knew. I screamed. It was a sound that even disturbed me.

I dropped to my knees in front of Jermane. Blood. It was on my hands again, running through my fingers. I screamed again. I could hear them! I covered my ears with my hands. No! The voices screamed things I didn't want to hear.

Faintly, I heard a man calling out 'Matt!'. No! I didn't kill him! He was already dead when I found him! No, I'm not a devil! I'm sorry… ah! The blood, it was there, everywhere.

Was my hair naturally red? Or was that the blood? No! I frantically searched for something that wasn't red. I screamed again. Red; everything was covered in blood. No, there should be orange, and a needle!

I shrieked again. No, where is mommy? Daddy? Where am I?

The voice again. I heard it, it called 'Matt' but it blended in with a woman's devastated cry. No! I didn't kill him!

I began to claw ay my body, the blood, it was everywhere! I wailed again, clawing at my neck. I shrieked even louder as hands tried to restrict my own. I began to thrash, striking out. The hands disappeared.

No! Not the voice again. It wasn't saying Matt this time, no it was talking to someone.

I began to calm down, but then I saw it. I screamed again. There were people! They were all around me, trying to suffocate me! I struck out, hitting something, the thing shrunk back. My throat was raw from screaming, so I curled in on myself. I rocked back and forth, crying.

I wailed as hands rubbed my pulse points, I felt myself calm down.

"Shh… Mail." I shuddered at the sound of my name.

"Mommy?" I asked, disoriented.

A chuckled sounded abve me as I was pulled into an embrace.

"No, it's Mellow." Mellow? … _Mello…_

"Mello?" I snuggled my nose into his neck.

"Hush, it's all going to be okay." I let a sob rack through my body.

~Mello's POV~

"What happened?" I rocked Matt's shaking form back and forth in my lap.

"D-daddy he," he was crying, his voice hysterically breaking. "he gave me away."

"A-and mommy didn't do anything!" Another sob racked through his body. "Then I ran away, h-he was chasing me! B-but t-then…" he seemed to calm down. "I-I found a shore, a-and there," his shaking began again, only worse than before. No tears fell though.

"Then blood! It's everywhere!" I noticed that he went into present tense. The result of my plan must have triggered his memory.

"No!" He began to scream and wail, "T-too much blood! Gah," he held his head. "Is my hair naturally red? Or is it the blood?" He began to shriek more. "N-no! I didn't kill him! I didn't kill, Matt! I-I didn't kill him…?" he began to doubt, so I tried to reassure him.

"Shh, Mail." I whispered, "You didn't kill him. Tell me what happened next?" I was fully aware that I was taking advantage of him but I didn't care right then. I was learning everything I wanted.

"Orange. I took orange." He whispered hoarsely. "Then they took me away. I-I felt numb. Then… I can't remember what happened." His body went slack, relaxing in my grip.

"Hush, Matt." I resumed the rocking that had stopped midway through his story.

"Mello?" he whispered, his voice quiet, but beginning to even out.

"Hmm?" I hummed in response.

"What's your real name?" An odd question; but I guessed that he wanted to know that I trusted him too, to make us even.

"Mihael Keehl."

"Mail Jeevas."


	18. Epilogue

Mello's POV

* * *

"I can't believe you did that!" Matt angrily paced back and forth across the room; this was the most alive I'd seen him in a long time.

"Yeah, well, I never said that I was nice." I shrugged leaning back on the striped couch, amused with the situation.

"I-I can't believe it!" He shouted in frustration.

"Now, now, Matty." I stood up and walked over to him, he backed away from me. "What's wrong?" I frowned.

"No." Matt shook his head, continuing until he was up against the wall.

"Don't worry," I whispered, coming up to him and breathing in his ear, "I won't take orange."

A sob racked through his body. "H-how?"

"I'm good at guessing." I tried my best to sooth him.

I let him take me with him when he sank to the floor. I rocked him gently, making what I guessed were comforting noises and he quieted slowly.

"What could we have done to stop this?" Matt whispered, voice hoarse.

"There are a few things." I whispered back, not wanting to frighten him.

"I could have pulled up the nerve to talk to you." The red head's eyes were staring at the logo on my black T-shirt as though if he didn't he would crumble.

"Oh?" I raised a brow.

"Yeah," Matt laughed softly, "When you first came, I always thought that you were the prettiest girl."

I frowned, but didn't say anything.

"Then, there was this time that you were beating the shit out of this kid named Flare. I overheard you screaming at him that you weren't a girl." He shrugged. "I ran away then, I'd wanted to speak to you, but I was too nervous."

"I see, am I still as scary as I was as a child?" I grinned at him, as he lifted his head up and locked his eyes with my lips.

"Sometimes…" He reached up hesitantly, and pressed his lips to mine. "I wonder what it would have been like…"

"So do I." I rested my chin on his head, and rubbed his back comfortingly.

I wonder what it would have been like. I would give anything to just know.

* * *

**Author's Note= Wow. So here we are. The end of Hack My Heart. ='( **

**I'm sad that it's over. But it's not completely over, now is it? There's going to be a sequel, and I'll post a note when it's begun, I promise that updates on the sequel will be much better than they were for HMH. I will in fact be writing a little "Thanks for 10,000 Hits" bonus chapter, I'm not sure what it will be about yet.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed;**

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